


Manes Brothers

by ul1tsa



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes returns to his home town after 10 years, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jesse is a dick, M/M, Michael is a emotional mess, Smut, Still deciding on the brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:15:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ul1tsa/pseuds/ul1tsa
Summary: Laying here, in Alex’s arms, in a bed that smelled like sex and air filled with soft laughter and love. It was worth the wait.---Alex Manes comes home after 10 years of war. He finds out a lot has changed in his home town. A lot didn't. Michael Guerin has a name tatooed over his heart.
Relationships: Alex Manes/Kyle Valenti, Isabel Evans & Max Evans & Michael Guerin, Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 34
Kudos: 81





	1. You belong to the wild

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to reinvent the Manes Family: oldest to youngest  
> 1\. Hunter (*1989)  
> 2\. Flint (*1991)  
> 3\. Alex (*1993)  
> 4\. Jesse Junior (*2003)
> 
> Story starts out with flashbacks throughout the years so I am giving you their birth years so you don't get too confused. God, I hope I did the math right!
> 
> It will be a looong story so get ready. Also, this is my first fanfiction like EVER so please be kind but definitely let me know what you think. Also, English isn't my first language so you probably will find a lot of Grammar mistakes and stutt, feel free to correct me.
> 
> Chapter titles will be Songs: Chapter 1 is You belong to the wild - AZADI

1999

He always felt like there was a special spell to the way the grass smelled at night. The way the cool breeze brushed the fields and let the grass stalks fly up and down before slipping under his T-shirt made him get goose bumps every time. The clearing light up in the shimmer of the moon. The full moon. That was important. 

He still hadn‘ t quite understood the sense to all this but he sure understood the schematics.   
One, sneak out at night. Two, settle under the clear sky. Three, full moon.   
Apparently, this was necessary to sign the brother-contract. 

He wasn‘t sure how exactly this was to effect validity of this contract. It wasn‘t, like it hadn‘t happened if the moon wasn‘t quite, well, full, but he sure didn‘t mind. He always liked playing outside after dark. Or sneaking out at night to star-gaze. 

The stars had an unexplainable beauty to them, a mystery as if they had escaped a fairy tale. He didn‘t understand it, just as so many things, but he decided he didn‘t need to. It was enough to see they had settled right here next to his doorstep, right here over the endless fields of the farm he called home, right here watching over him, protecting him.

Maybe he should be an astronaut.

The thought fled his mind when another coolness found their way under his clothes and he stopped, just for a second, to really feel it. Feel it through and through.

„You coming Junior?“ 

There it was. His oldest brother looking for him, afraid he would lose him over the never-ending landscape. He wouldn‘t. He couldn‘t imagine leaving the grass and the stars.

„Last one at the tree is a lame pig!“ 

Now both of his brothers were sprinting to the old birch tree. Barely able to keep pace he made it last, settling next to them as their were already searching for the crumbled piece of paper that was the reason they were here in the first place.

„What does it say?“

„It says, Junior, that we are brothers and that we will stay brothers forever. That is why we promise to take care of each other and to never look away when one of is in trouble. And to never become like Dad. To never go to war and to never become as sad as Dad is.“

Hunter explained it in the way every big brother would. His voice was steady and calm, it held such certainty that none of the other brothers would ever question anything this voice said. A voice that would be able to explain all the hard things no kid’s brain could ever understand, like why the sky is blue and the grass green. 

„We sign it?“ Flint asked. „Junior can‘t write yet“

„So we help him. We can just sign it for him, we have to, now anyway, it‘s in the contract. We help each other remember?“

I seemed so easy. So elementary. So they signed, three new signatures gracing the paper. He wondered for a second if this was something he could do with Kyle, being sure his best friend would like the ritual, but he learned this was something entirely for brothers. He liked the idea, to keep such a big secret with his brothers. Maybe this was because it remembered him of a fairy tale: three heroic brothers protecting each other at all cost till the end of time. 

Later that night, he was tucked into bed by his oldest brother wishing him sweet dreams. He didn‘t sleep that night. He stayed awake to watch the sun appear and the stars fade. It was okay, he didn‘t need them anyway, he had his brothers. 

2005

Summer used to make him feel invincible. 

There was a certain atmosphere to it that relaxed his shoulders and made his smile grew wider. He didn‘t care about sweat, flies or heat. Maybe he even enjoyed it a bit. It made him think of a mountain one had to overcome to find something. Something better, something that rewarded him in some sense. Like a promise to happiness.

If that was true, this was his reward, his happiness. He and Kyle had worked on their tree house the entire summer. They cut away the greens of one of the old birch trees and dragged each wooden lath from Jim‘s jeep to the space beside their tree. 

They tried, and failed miserably at the attempt to secure the wood on their own. Well, as expected from two 12-year-old boys. 

He remembered them running off in the woods, escaping the sounds their fathers made as they did it themselves, finishing their tree house. They started running with an echo of „Boys will be boys“ in their ears, didn‘t stop at the sound of empty beer bottles hitting the ground. They ran over miles of grass until they fell on the ground with smiles as wide as shooting stars.

They returned as they heard their names being called. As they arrived his older brothers had started a war, attacking them with water balloons. He was sure they spent hours fighting each other. Fighting together. As the sun set they were soaked and decided to leave their wet t-shirts behind.

He remembered looking at his friend.

He remembered turning around to see his father‘s expression had shifted. He couldn‘t make anything out of it.

Little did he know, this would be their last summer

2010

„All the rumors about you true?“

He was almost a bit shocked at the words of the boy with the curly hair. He didn‘t expect the bluntness. Many guys took after Kyle and made his life a living hell. Most avoided the topic completely and if it did come up, it would result in awkward pauses in speech and eyes that were suddenly pointed to the thrilling creations that were stuck on one‘s feet. 

But Guerin didn‘t look away. Instead, he looked him right in the eyes. He found nothing about him that pointed to a joke, a cruel prank. No shaking hands. No sweat on his forehead. What he did find was a smile that displayed a challenge.

To distract, he thought to himself. A smile to distract from that steady front he built around him. Because, no matter how steady the front was, it was just a front. 

„You are kind of lucky, you know? Things at my house suck.“

He could have just left it at that. He probably would have, if he hadn‘t seen how the blonde curls bounced when a light breeze brushed them. A few strands of hair were falling in those eyes he was investigating earlier. Others found their way falling along his cheeks. They were standing up in all directions now, flying up and down. It reminded him of something. He couldn‘t remember what it was.

„There is this barn. Out by the ranch. The last one by the birch trees. It‘s unused. And warm. I go there when things get bad. So...“


	2. Stars are on your side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is Michaels POV. Hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> Song is Stars on your side- Ross Copperman

2012

As the cold breeze hit Michael he could feel his curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. It wasn‘t unusual, the Wild Pony practically screamed heat, sweat, alcohol and piss, but it seemed to only really hit one, when one is sober enough. Which, well Michael usually wasn‘t. 

He hadn‘t exactly planned on leaving at 1 already, but it seemed DeLuca had made it her new purpose to saviour him. She had declared how she was going to kick him out if she caught sight of him looking for trouble. He definitely didn‘t think she would pull through.

But here he was, standing in the full parking lot debating whether he should call a cab or save the money for an extra bus ride to the hospital. He could swing by Isobel twice next week which he was sure would bring a smile to her face. Yeah, he would walk back.

He started walking, taking his steps carefully, adjusting his pace so he wouldn‘t fall over. He was almost certain he would make it when he ran into someone. 

„What the fuck, asshole“

He didn‘t even need to be drunk to start a fight nowadays, sure it was a nice bonus but not necessary. That‘s who he was now: a walking fight, the town drunk, one big disappointment. Michael made damn sure everyone knew that. 

He took a step back to throw the first punch without even looking at the guy first. Big Mistake.

He noticed the similarities in an instance, his body freezing at the sight. He saw those cheekbones made to cut, the way his nose wrinkled when he had that questioning look in his eyes, except they weren‘t his eyes, they were cold. So cold. There was no color that looked like the sun has just set, no golden sparkles. Just cold old plain brown. 

„the fuck you doing here?“

Yeah, he thought so. There was no warm in his voice either. 

Michael‘s anger might have vanished in an instance as his body freezed but it came back just as quickly. The last thing he needed was some dumb-ass comment from the oldest Manes. Wow, drunk Michael really had to think of some better insults.

Not trusting himself, he decided a snarky comment may not be the best approach here. And even though the sight made him want to throw a punch even more, he didn‘t. He settled with a good old long burp. Satisfied, Michael was about to walk away. The problem is, Hunter Manes was never one to not have the last word. 

„Thought you went to UNM? Scholarship and all.“ Hunter asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Now, that was something that made Michael want to throw a punch really hard. Although, Hunter always had that effect on him.

„Yeah, see, there aren‘t really that many folks hiring engineers with only one functioning hand“

Hunter‘s sudden realization was followed by a painful expression. Michael was almost satisfied with the sight. At least he wasn‘t the only one hurting now.

It cut deep and exactly what he had intended for his opponent. He didn‘t need stupid questions. And he sure as hell didn‘t need a Manes asking them. 

„Where you working at?“

Barp.

He wasn‘t sure what he expected to get as an answer. Probably exactly the opposite. It would have sit better with Michael. It wouldn‘t have made Michael sick, it wouldn‘t have made him think of a cruel joke. It sure as hell wouldn‘t have made him want to shred him in pieces, screaming at him „I don‘t need your fucking pity. I don‘t need your charity. I don‘t need anything from anyone“. But Hunter was a big brother through and through, so maybe this was exactly what he expected.

„You know, there‘s an opening at the ranch, kinda“

2014

Michael hated his birthday. He wasn‘t really a fan of any birthdays, but his was special. Because whenever it was his birthday, it was Max‘ and Isobel‘s birthday too. It was a way to make his worst fears come true. Three kids wandering around the desert when they were just seven years old. Two were adopted, grew up in a good middle-class neighbourhood in a fancy house with a white picket fence with a loving family. One wasn‘t. Well, looks like his worst fears were already true. It just made it so much more obvious.

Max and Isobel tried. They really did, he gotta give that to them. But nothing could really change that, while Is and Max had a big party and lots of presents, Michael didn‘t. They always insisted of it being their party, got him really nice presents and included him in their conversations with people he never met before. 

He grew tired of it. And after their Sweet Sixteen party he had enough. He swore he would never celebrate another of their birthdays ever again. And he didn‘t. He successfully got out of them, until now. 

It was their 21st birthday and since Isobel was in the hospital and wasn‘t going to be released any time soon she had decided it was her calling to plan their birthday night. Helpless against a full set of puppy eyes, Michael caved. 

It wasn‘t even that bad. Isobel really tried, knowing exactly that he hated their parties. She planned an evening of bar-hopping, just the two of them. It was good, nice even. He was convinced to have fun, even if it was just for Isobel, who, of course, expected a full report first thing in the morning. 

He didn‘t even realize what he had done until after he had stepped outside the tattoo parlor getting hit by a cold breeze that was finding its way around his curls, making them bounce up and down.

That night, he had written it off as a drunk mistake, almost completely certain that that is what it was.

The next morning, just when Max showed Isobel the pictures, laughing so hard Michael had never seen him laugh before, commenting on how he wasn‘t even that drunk, it really hit him.

His hand reached to his chest. To the left, right there, where his heart was supposed to be. He was sure he had lost it years ago, in a barn next to the birch trees. Right where he was supposed to find an empty spot, instead, he found a name. 

„Lexie“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I would love for you to leave a comment!


	3. When did your heart go missing?

2018

He could tell the sun wouldn’t come up for at least another hour as he looked over to the small forest east of the farm. He preferred it that way. These days, the farm had shrunken quite a bit. More and more land was being sold to the town because they didn’t need it anymore. A few decades ago the Manes family still ran a real farm and it had held cows, pigs, sheeps, goats, horses and about 200 chicken, wandering the farm freely, and with it enough fields and pasture the size of New Mexico. But these days are over now. With it’s shrinkage, only hosting a few horses, sheep and chicken now and only enough fields to cover their feed, the work load had decreased too.

So maybe Michael didn’t necessarily have a reason to be up at 4 am to unload hay bales, but he had set his mind on letting out the sheep before the sun came up, and if he wanted to do that, hay was to be done first. And it wasn’t like a bad time right now, he actually preferred working in the early morning hours. Or late at night. It didn’t matter too much, as long as the darkness of the night was still shielding him. 

Before the noise of old tractors and complaints about ever-present broken fences came back to the place. 

This would be soon, now. Michael had about half of the hay successfully moved when he heard the first noises from the farm house. He heard Sanders, the man who has been running this farm for ages now and teached Michael everything he knew, leave the house through the backdoor. He would, as he did for so many years, follow his morning chores strictly only to come back to the house with a freshly cut bouquet of yellow zinnias. And he would give them to his wife, sweet Maggie who had by then already prepared breakfast for the family.

It was as big as clichés would get: the guy would do the farm work while his loving wife raised the kids. Only, they lost their own daughter when she was only two. Now, that they were both almost 70 they lived at the farm long enough to see two generations, they raised and fed, that weren’t their own, see grow up. There was no doubt they were heart and soul of this place – Michael wondered if they ever grew old of it. 

He knew he did, and he had no expectations to meet. Other than being the town drunk, but he got that one handled. 

By the time Sanders went back inside, flowers in hand, Michael had finished with the hay. It was six then, he thought. Breakfast was always at six. Nothing ever changed in this town. 

After Michael took care of the sheep, he settled on the steps in front of the farm house. He tried to catch some of the first sun rays as he took off his sweat-drenched t-shirt. 

He knew breakfast was finished when Hunter stepped outside. He was always the first one to grace Michael with his presence. ”Guerin” Hunter mumbled. It wasn’t a good morning, no question, simply an acknowledgement. One, Michael decided, he could stick up his ass, so there was no answer. Not that Hunter was waiting for one. 

“You should be working on that tractor.”

“Sure...”

That got Hunters’ attention. The annoyance broke over his face fast, while Michael’s lit up with a smile.

“Tractor is up and running. Finished it last night. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it”

Hunter responded with a simple nod, annoyance still written all over his face. Then he was gone.

Michael leaned back, knowing full well he wasn’t getting the quiet he wanted. Not yet anyway. But a man could dream, couldn’t he? 

Next up was Flint. Flint was nothing like Hunter, quite the contrary actually. If Hunter was a leader then Flint was a soldier. Always ready to obey his brothers orders. Always ready to act rather than think. He was quiet. Never shy. No, no Manes man was ever shy. There was a quiet around him Michael couldn’t pin-point. Flint was never inviting but never distancing himself either. There was a clear authority with him, but one he seemed not to use. Yes, maybe that is what Michael confuses.

“Missed Breakfast again, pretty sure Maggie is pissed at ya” he muttered while leaning over to hand Michael a cup of coffee.

Michael accepted the mug but couldn’t help but reply with a shameless grin and a nasty statement. “Irish? Nah, don’t worry about it...nothing I can’t fix”. He shifted and reveals a flask next to him, pouring some into his coffee eagerly now while Flint was beginning on lecturing him, as usually. God, they did this way too often. 

“What is wrong with you? Can’t you catch a break or something? Geez… it’s not even seven yet, you know?”

A small smile formed on Michael’s lips. As much as he hated this it, it was something he was used to. Something he has dealt with for a long time. There was history. Maybe something more.

It didn’t matter too much because all Michael cares about right now is shutting Flint up.

He lifted his mug as if he was to propose a toast. “To our brave soldiers, yeah?”

Michael always knew how to cut deep. There was a moment of silence and a lingering tension forming between them. He could see Flint’s shoulders broaden before he looks away. A second of unspoken truth, maybe of shared pain. When the second passed Michael watched Flint relax and walk away. Fast and steady. Michael huffed under his breath but keeping his thoughts to himself: “A god-damn family of runners”.

“You have a nice day too, dickhead” He shouted, almost screamed just so that maybe Flint would still hear it. 

“How come you are such an ass to everyone?”

As Michael heard that voice, his morning was officially ruined. He knew exactly what was awaiting him. He liked Lindsay, the blonde had some lightness to her he appreciated. She felt good to be around. She was good. But, she could be a real pain the ass, too.

“You sleeping here know, princess?

“That doesn’t answer my question, cowboy”

He almost smiled at that. She was making it a habit to call him that, she has ever since she first met him. Not sure why she cared enough, but he liked her, so he played along. But he sure as hell wasn’t letting her out of this conversation. 

“It’s a school night” Michael raised his eyebrows.

“It’s not like anyone minds” she stated while sitting down next to Michael. A smile spread across her face. One Michael almost recognized as his own shameless grin. “Maggie adores me. She loves to have me over and pamper me with blueberry pancakes, you know that”. 

“Blueberry pancaked, huh? Maybe I should stop skipping breakfast”

“Maybe you should” She said triumphantly. 

Lightness, he thought to himself.

The smile from his face faded. “Your parents don‘ t mind when their 15-year-old daughter spends a school night at her boyfriends house?“

“They don’t notice” she said honest. She knew he’d get it. And he did. He did get it.

Michael nodded his head. He knew better than to answer that, better than attempting to give some comfort. Nothing would ever do that. So they sat in silence.

“So…?” she asked.

“Sorry?”

“Why you being an ass?”

“Maybe I am just one”

“Not true. I’ve seen you talk to Jess, you can be quite a softie if you want to be. He thinks the world of you, you know? It’s really cute. Question is why you want to be nice to my boyfriend but not to anyone else?”

He laughed at the way she said “cute”. He could tell how in love she was with Jess, Jesse Junior,the youngest Manes, even after years. They have been together ever since they were twelve. Michael remembers seeing Lindsay for the first time, running around the farm, hand in hand, with Jess. He remembers thinking how happy both looked. Bach then, he was just waiting for the big boom, for the heart to break. He was mentally preparing himself, thinking of ways he could comfort Jess. He remembers Maggie telling him how she had a feeling she was going to stick around, he didn’t believe it back then, but he did now. Sometimes it still kept him awake at night how two people, so young, could commit to each other in this way. Sometimes it just seemed so natural. 

“Can’t lose my only ally, can I? Jess is a good kid, and...” he paused dramatically “he’s the only Manes I don’t wanna punch in the face on a daily basis. That is rare around here”

“Aww,… you know I’d be offended that you don’t see me as an ally around here if this little bromance thing the two of you have going on weren’t so damn cute. Here I thought the cowboy didn’t have a heart, now I am worried you are going to steal my boyfriend from me.”

“No worries, in case you haven’t noticed I am not really the relationship kinda guy. Where’s your boyfriend at anyway...you’ll be late, again!” Michael reminded her with a raised eyebrow.

“He was looking for his math book, or something I think. We’ve been studying at one of the old barns and must have left it there” she responded. “As long as he is not here, let’s revisit that topic from earlier. Who stole your heart and left you high and dry? Can we thank this Lexie for it?” She pointed to the tattoo that sat on his bare chest, shimmering in the sun.

Ha ha. If only she knew. Michael was fighting with a comeback to that, when he saw Jess coming around the corner.

“Collect your girlfriend, she is a real pain in the ass. I’ll even say please.” he told him in an amused way.

Jess didn’t answer, so Lindsay did.

“You’re one to talk with your macho cowboy swagger.” She laughed.

When there was still no answer he turned to look at Jess. What he found almost made him throw up. In that moment he was searching for something, anything that reminded him of the 17- year old kid, who made an effort with the town-drunk, who he’d taken to the crashdown to cheer him up after a failed test, who’d sit with him in the dark talking about anything and everything. But he didn’t find anything. 

Instead Michael found an expression that didn’t belong to him. It belonged to the past. It belonged to a kid he once knew, with more pain and sorrows his heart could hold. Michael felt as if a ghost had visited him this morning. He wanted to run the other directions, escape the memories of the past.   
He didn’t. 

He was up in an instance, walking right past him. Determined to find the horror he just saw.

As he followed the path Jess had just come from, getting closer to the fields, he found Hunter and Flint already starring at whatever it was they were starring at, inside that barn.

That barn. The last one out by the birch trees.

When he arrived, for a second he still saw those Linking Park poster pinned up at the wall. He remembered exactly how they were arranged so carefully. He could smell the ghost of cheap deodorant lingering in the air. Fuck. He could feel his hands running through those brown strands of hair. 

Caught in his own thoughts, he didn’t even realize yet what it was that had everyone look so lifeless.

Inside that very barn was Jesse fucking Manes. A faces he barely saw around here any more. Usually, he was in his office on the highest floor, completely secluded. Every few days, he would go downstairs grab something from the kitchen and vanish again. Today, apparently, he has decided to hang himself from that very barn. 

Well, maybe Michaels morning wasn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Flashback!!!!!
> 
> Hope you liked it!!!!


	4. Welcome to the black parade

2020

It’s Monday morning when Michael notices that something is wrong. Hungover from his visit to the Wild Pony he’d usually enjoy the quiet, but this was too quiet. It was so quiet that he could hear grass stalks fly up and down, and even though it was still early at the farm and the silence might be reasoned, there should be some movement by now. 

His feeling just worsens when he gets closer to the farm house. That beautiful, big house where breakfast was to be served soon, was completely dark. 

Michael stepped inside, stealing a glance into the living room looking for a sign - any sign, that would explain this. Whatever was left of his heart shattered into pieces as soon as he laid eyes on Maggie.

He’s never seen her like this. Maggie, in her late 70s is barely seen without her red lipstick or perfectly styled hair. Isobel mentions it everytime she’s here, how much she adores the way Maggie can still hold up her gracious appearance so effortlessly. She is one of these women who seem to have a superpower, who can do just about everything. She is strong and fierce, but today, her signature red lips are missing. She is curled up on the couch starring into the darkness of the living room, it’s closed blinds blocking any sun rays from entering.

A coldness travels through Michael’s body and let’s it shiver. He swallows hard, mentally prepping himself for whatever would follow and looking for the courage to enter the room. When he finds it, he crosses the room and slowly lowers himself on the couch, sitting just next to Maggie.

Words seemed so worthless right now, so he remains quiet. Simply comforting her with his presence. She’d reach out when she is ready.

“Do you know that the first thing, my husband does in the morning is open all the blinds and all the windows in the entire house? When our daughter, sweet Emily, was still with is she’d be such a cry-baby. I always dealt with it at night, because my husband had to up so early for work, but before he’d leave he opened all the blinds and the windows so when the sun came up, I was woken up naturally. It’s easier to wake up when the sun is beaming down at you, you know?”

Michael listens carefully and moves to hold her hand in support, encouraging her to keep talking, which Maggie answers with a small smile on her face. 

“Then he’d go and open the stables and make his way by the hen house to collect the eggs I would use for breakfast later. He’d go by the vegetable garden, water the plants and bring anything that was ready to be harvested. And then he’d bring me a bouquet of yellow zinnias.“ She explains.

“I see him every morning with your flowers” Michael responds and decides it was time to stake the obvious “All the blinds are closed”   
It pains him to wonder what had happened to the man that would treat him like his own son. But if he was honest, he already knew.”

“He left you.” He is barely able to speak it out loud. “He left us.”

It seems as if some fight came back in Maggie as she smacked Michael on the back of his head, who cried out.  
“Not everyone is leaving you, Michael. My husband was a great man, one of the best, don’t you dare think of him in such a shameful way. He loved me in every possible way there is, all of us.” 

She speaks the words with so much love that it confuses Michael even more. What detail did he miss? What was it that left this woman so vulnerable, then?

“He didn’t leave you, Michael. It was just time. I believe, when you go out to the backyard, the very place he was drinking his whiskey last night, you will find my dead husband’s body.”

And just like that, they were planning a funeral.

\-----------------------

On Tuesday, Maggie wore red lipstick again. 

Lindsay spends the morning preparing breakfast, determined to relieve Maggie of her work.

Maria comes by early, dropping off some cases of Whiskey and wine. She insists they’d need it eventually. 

Max and Liz show up next. Liz offered a warm hug and Max gave him a pat on the shoulder. It was good.

Kyle and Cameron bring something that looks like puke, but Maggie does light up when she sees him. She always liked Kyle and his company. For Maggie, and only Maggie, Michael decides to leave it and avoids him, in a manner to not start a fight. He was sure it was the last think she needs.

When Isobel and Noah show up they bring lasagne and Isobel insists to take over planning the funeral and Michael is just so thankful to his sister. Maybe not necessarily for the lasagne, and definitely not for the funeral. He knew full well it would bite him in the ass sooner rather than later as she’d forget it was a funeral she was planning, and not some fancy event party thing, halfway though the preparations and Michael had to remind her. But Isobel was here. She didn’t leave him. She made it, so Michael was thankful.

At night, Michael sits down with the Manes brothers to distribute the morning chores. Hunter would take care of the stables. Flint would take care of the vegetable garden. Jess would take care of the chicken. And well, Michael would open every blind and every window in the entire house just before Maggie wakes up. 

It was a weak attempt to take care of Maggie, but it was the only thing they could think of. 

They keep it plain and simple. Professional. There isn’t much talking, but when they sit together, in silence, just a few minutes longer than they need to, Michael knows he is not the only one hurting. Everybody lost a loved one. Everybody lost some family They just suck at communicating. But this, those chores, was something they could take care of.

They sit in silence even longer.. Michael drinks most of the whiskey Maria brought by earlier and lets his gaze wander.

Jess kicks at the dirt biting his bottom lip. Michael can tell the kid is hurting, nervous. It wasn’t just the pain of losing old man Sanders but the memories of finding his father’s body not too long ago, that laid heavily on his soul.

Flint keeps rubbing his hands against each other and Michael didn’t need to look at his palms to know they were sweaty. The second oldest Manes was the one who suffered the most when his mother, who he adored so much, left. All the love he held for her was projected to Maggie. Michael doesn’t want to imagine how useless he must feel, seeing her hurt and not being able to fix it.

Hunter was the only one who seemed calm and steady, he always does, yet his gaze was fixed on the darkness of the night. He keeps scanning the never-ending landscape as if he is afraid to lose something. No, as if he already lost something. He was looking for something. Searching for something. As Michael takes another sip from his whiskey, he wondered what it was.

\------------------------------

Wednesday, at dawn, Maggie sits at the big dining table with a post-it in her left, and her phone in the right hand. She holds onto it as if her life depends on it.   
The last time she allowed herself to touch the fragile piece of paper was two years ago, when she wondered whether or not to call the number that was left for her. She decided against it.

Today, she had called.

She knows it was the right decision, even as she sees the pain in Hunter’s and Flint’s eyes as she tells them who she called. The disbelieving looks become screams, which transform into silence. So silent, she wonders if it had actually happened. She knew it did, when the youngest Manes speaks up.

“Who’s Alex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex arrives on Saturday.
> 
> Hope you liked it.


	5. Something in the water

Thursday night is when the silence breaks.

“You can’t not remember him” reasons Flint as he watches his younger brother, clearly upset, pace back and forth in the living room.

Hunter sits on the edge of the couch and has already decided to stay out of this conversation.

“But I don’t”

“You weren’t even that young! What like seven… eight maybe? You’re supposed to remember!”

“I don’t!” hissed Jess. “I don’t remember anything about it!” I don’t remember anything about him, he wants to say, but he doesn’t, instead he swallows hard.

Flint clearly sympathizes with as he changes his posture. He continues speaking softly and quietly “You were close, you know?” he paused, waiting for a response. When there was none, he continued speaking “You did all kinds of stuff together”

“like what?”

“I don’t know...look we were pretty popular in high school we didn’t spend our friday night at home with our baby brother. We were out getting laid.” he sighs. “You two just always kind of seemed...inseparable, you know?”

Jess is already pissed off, this doesn’t help. “No I don’t fucking know, Flint! That is the whole point, I don’t remember! You’ve been keeping the fact that I have another brother from me and...”

Hunter decides that is enough, his hands already balled into fists and his arms crossed. His kid-brother wasn’t talking to them in this way. Especially about something he has no idea about.  
“You telling me you never noticed there was another bedroom next to ours? What, you think there is a door just for fun up there? You’ve never looked at the family pictures on the wall? Did you suddenly lose your ability to count? There are four brothers on these pictures… you telling me you overlooked that fact?

“I thought Kyle...”

“No! You don’t get to talk, I am talking now” he yells and screams and shouts. “You don’t get to pin this on us! You don’t remember him? Maybe you don’t want to, ever thought about that? He’s left the family and hasn’t looked back ever since, he’s been gone for 10 years! 10 years! He doesn’t call or text and he sure as hell never shows up here. He left us behind, he left you behind! So, maybe you don’t want to remember. It doesn’t matter anyway...” Hunter paused for a break, trying to settle himself “He hasn’t bothered for 10 years, you think one phone call is going to change that? He won’t come to the funeral, so stop bitching about something you don’t understand”

Jess looks almost shocked. His oldest brother barely lost his temper, always trying to control everything. This outburst was more than out of character for him, and it doesn’t help that Jess had not the tiniest clue what exactly he was talking about. 

“Why did he leave?” he almost beggs. 

The question lingers in the air for a few endless minutes. Jess can see by the way Flint is looking up helplessly to his older brother, that he is out of his depth here. Hunter, on the other hand, still enraged and with a vein on his forehead that looks like it’s about to burst, replies while making damn sure to avoid eye contact “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to”

The door slams shut and Jess is gone.

\-------------

As Lindsay enters the front door she doesn’t expect to find Jess, who looks as if was punched in the stomach, on his way out.   
“What is it?”   
She gets an answer out of him just before he disappeared outside. “I have a brother I didn’t know of”

She knows better than to follow him. They had established a routine over the years for situations like this: Lindsay refuses to go after someone who doesn’t want to talk to her and Jess needs to calm down before he does. He’ll go find her when he’s ready. 

After watching her boyfriend disappear into the darkness she makes her way to the living room. There, she finds the two older Manes brothers muttering to one another.

“So...” she starts. “illegitimate child? Kidnapped as a baby? Uhh...what about evil twin?”

She doesn’t expect an answer, she has learned a long time ago Hunter Manes would only relinquish something he wanted to be known. And Flint was always under his command.

“Well...there sure is no shortage of Manes Brother around here” she continues while making her way upstairs to Jess’ bedroom.

\----------

Michael’s lungs fill with cold air as he takes some deep breaths into the cold night. He had decided to end the night quietly, he needed it to process the shock that old man Sanders was actually gone. So he had grabbed a couple of beers and sat down on his porch.

His porch only really consists of two lawn chairs that were spread around a small fireplace, but he loved it. Behind it, the barn he calls his home laid in the darkness of the night. The first summer he had worked at the farm 2/3 of the lambs didn’t make, so the following summer Hunter had asked him to spend the night there, just in case he was needed. Michael was actually glad for the opportunity. The pay was good and he needed money for Isobel’s treatment, he’d be doomed if he let Max and Noah take care of it on their own. 

They fixed up the barn that was closest to the farm house, just opposite of it and only separated by a small river, some meadow and about three trees. In the beginning, he only had a bed, a table and an old closet, not even a bathroom, he just used the one in the house. When summer was over Maggie pleaded him to stay and Hunter mentioned he would appreciate it, if someone was to take over the work early in the morning, they made a deal. He sold his trailer and fixed the place up some more. When he grew sick of walking in on one of the Manes’ brothers and their private business, he installed a bathroom. When Isobel got out of the hospital for a few weeks and inspected it, she was still in revulsion. She had decided to decorate it and buy some new classic but yet modern furniture that would suit Michael well. Usually, he’d be annoyed by it, but he was glad to be able to set her mind on other things. Now, it was a really nice setup.

When he saw the front door of the farm house open and close again and found a shadow in the shape of Jess make his way to his barn, he knew that the tension he had witnessed today between the brothers must have finally blown up. 

By the time Jess appeared next to him, his shoulders start relaxing and he almost looks like carefree teenager he usually is again. Jess let himself fall into the empty lawn chair next to Michael without needing an invitation. They did this too often for that.

“My family sucks” he pouted childishly. Michael bites his lip to hold back his laugh, he knew this was serious, but sometimes it still amazed him how grown-up Jess seems in the daylight but is able to transform into a toddler when night arrives, and something doesn’t go as planned.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really”

Hmm. Michael knew the feeling. 

It has become part of his routine to listen to the worries of the 17-year-old and as much as he had actually come to enjoy the feeling of friendship, the feeling of being good for somebody, today he is thankful for the quiet.

He makes a decision and takes one of the beers that still rest next to him to hand it to Jess, who widens his eyes at Michael. He makes a move forward to accept it, but Michael pulled back just before he could reach it and warns him with a raised eyebrow “Don’t tell Hunter, you hear me?” 

As Jess takes the beer, confirming their vow of silence, Michael clinks their bottles and throws in a quick “to our brave soldiers” before taking another sip.

Michael settles back into his chair, trying to get back some of the quiet that was the sole reason he was out here in the first place. Jess doesn’t give that to him just yet.

“Why you here anyway? Shouldn’t you be at the pony fucking some poor woman?”

“Hey, no talking remember?” 

Michael sees that Jess tries to do just that, but when his fingers start tapping on his knees and his feet start drawing something in the dirt he knows full well he is not getting any peace tonight. Michael is a good friend, so he decides his peace can wait and addresses Jess, trying very hard not to sound too annoyed. “Just start talking, kid”

“My brother is coming to the funeral” he shoots as if he was just waiting for that invitation. Michael knows he was, but doesn’t fail to see how Jess is still holding back.

“That’s good, they are kind of supposed to be there you know?”

“My other brother. My long- lost brother I didn’t even know existed. Maggie called him and now he’s coming and-”

Michael sits, but suddenly he feels as if he is pushed and now stumbling to catch his balance. He wants to get up, to scream at the top of his lungs and run into the woods. He wants to feel the dew grass of the never-ending fields under his feet and just be gone, but every single muscle in his body tenses and his lungs close and he gasps for air. It feels like hours until he finally realizes his heart isn’t supposed to be going as fast as it is and he raises his hand to rub over it, to rub away the stinging pain that settled in his chest and to feel the name that was written on it. His thoughts never leave the fields, the urge to run, yet he just wants to scream. Scream that this wasn’t supposed to be happening, not like this, he never thought it’d be like this, but no word makes it to his lips. 

Instead he just keeps quiet. He keeps quiet and pretends to listen to Jess even though he doesn’t hear one word. 

Jess was rumbling on and on about his long-lost brother, who left 10 years ago, who enlisted, who never calls, who is never talked about, who abandoned him, who is coming to the funeral. He tells the story how Maggie called the number that was left for her and how some superior of his brother answered. How his brother is deployed god-knows where and wasn’t able to make it to the phone but that that guy Maggie talked to would pass along the message and do his best to get him an emergency leave. He explains how Hunter and Flint blew up in his face and that they believe he won’t show anyway, but Maggie is convinced he will. He explains how Maggie was already preparing the guest room, even though he had no idea why the guest room, because apparently there was a fucking bedroom in the house that belonged to the brother, he just – forgot.

But Michael doesn’t hear any of it. When he can move again, he simply walks away, looking for something stronger than beer.

\-------

Michael runs his finger through the brown strands of hair that shimmer golden in the sunlight. He enjoys the way the long hair feels under his fingertips, so soft and feather-light. He starts tugging lightly at the hair, but grows more confident soon as he hears those sweet sounds he causes. 

Michael can see red and swollen lips parts, lips that belong to him. He can’t control the urge to run his fingers over them, and he doesn’t need to. That’s the best part. His fingers cause a small chuckle but are soon taken into the mouth, being sucked on. God how much he loved this. 

He shifts a bit to get a better view. His second hand, that was just now still resting on the other man’s chest, moves along temples and cheekbones. He stopped for a second to look into these bright eyes that are looking back at him, with so much love. Michael would never get tired of the colour: such a deep blue and yet so light and warm and happy and sparkly. He swears there are stars in his eyes. 

Just as he is about to continue letting his fingers discover this perfect body all over again, he is grabbed by his hips and pulled completely on top of the other man. Their limbs are entangled in a wild mess and the air is filled with laughter. Then, Michael can feel small soft pecks on his lips he answers happily with a devouring kiss, licking and biting into that mouth. His reward, a low groan, forming in the back of that throat, that makes Michael’s stomach turn

He wants to get rid of these ridiculous pants that are between them as he feels he’s being kicked in the back. 

Suddenly, he’s cold and alone and lying on the hard ground.

“Wake up sleeping beauty” he hears a sharp voice, unmistakably Hunter’s

As Michael turns around to lay on his back he can see Hunter’s and Flint’s face starring down at him.

Of course.

After he gets up, tumbling and almost slipping on an empty whiskey bottle, the horse smell and hay in his hair confirm his whereabouts to be the stables. When he tries to make his way to the stable doors, groaning and still trembling, he finds, unexpectedly, two strong arms under him. Michael wasn’t having that.

“Fuck off! I don’t need your fucking help! I don’t need anything from you!” Michael was screaming from the top of his lungs, almost sobbing. The loud noise, unforeseen even by Michael, caused his head to hurt, but he didn’t care. 

He watches Hunter and Flint both take a step back, releasing him from his hold, looking both shocked and worried at the same time. 

Michael‘ s eyes fill with tears that are running down his cheeks now. In an attempt to hide his messed up face, his whole messed up appearance, he turns away and tries to make his way to the stable doors another time. 

Then, Hunter steps forward grabbing his arm and holding him in place. 

“Leave me alone!” was the only thing Michael managed to get out, full on sobbing now.

“Jesus, Guerin, you’re still drunk... how much did you have?” Hunter begins. He’s tucking on his arm now, trying to get a better hold on him. Flint still just stands here, with a look on his face as if he’s seen a ghost. 

Michael stands up tall and steadies his voice. He’d almost looked normal if his eyes weren’t still covered in tears.

“You’re not my friend. You’re not my family. Leave me the fuck alone!” 

“The fuck did we do to you?” Hunter tried to reason with him.

“You looked away!” he shouted with everything that he had. His outburst was followed by a small whimper “...and I will never forgive you for it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, let me know what you think.
> 
> Next chapter is called "Welcome home" so you might be able to guess what's about to happen;)


	6. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Welcome Home - Radical Face

After the call, Maggie lit a lantern. She had moved a small table and a chair to the front porch and put the lantern on top. She made it a habit to drink her first coffee of the day on this very table, she would sit outside to cut vegetables for dinner and even sat outside in the evening reading a book. Whatever she was doing, she never lost sight of the entrance to the farm and it’s long road that came with it, making it’s way through the fields until it finally connects with the horizon 

Whenever Maggie couldn’t be outside, she made sure the lantern burned bright. She double-checked it before going to bed when the warm light of the lantern was supposed to fill the air with a home-y feeling all through the night. It was supposed to be a beacon to guide one’s way home. Michael would watch the light every night from outside his barn and whenever he saw the light flicker, threatening to go out, Flint would come outside to make sure it didn’t. Even though the gesture earned a disapproving look from Hunter, no one missed the way he was watching the horizon himself. 

On Friday night, none of the brothers nor Michael or Lindsay could convince Maggie to go inside, instead she spent the whole night at the small table, gaze fixed on the horizon. No one slept that night. When the sun rises on Saturday, the day of the funeral, a bad feeling lingered in the air. He is not coming home.

It’s six when Michael slowly makes his way to the farm house. They are supposed to have breakfast together and since Maggie still won’t move he is going to have to make sure the kitchen won’t explode. Jess did manage to burn eggs before. 

When Michael walks up the stairs of the front porch he earns an impressed look by Maggie. With raised eyebrows she has a closer look at him and gestures for him to turn around, revealing the whole picture. Michael is wearing the one suit he owns, bought by Isobel, of course. He decided to wear it, even though he feels claustrophobic in it, only because of his love for Maggie. He still loses the tie and insists on wearing his cowboy hat, but Maggie seems content. 

“Like what you see, young lady?” he teases as he leans over to place a kiss on her cheek.

“I like the suit” she starts “but you seem tortured” she says with an exasperated sigh.

She is right. Michael been torturing himself for days now. Going over every memory he has of the man, trying to remember everything to the smallest detail: his body, his face, his hair, his lips. God did he miss those lips. There isn’t enough booze in the world to make that feeling go away. He tried to think of every possible scenario for the rare case, that he in fact, would come home. But Hope is a dangerous thing and Michael had decided he was done hoping for a miracle.

“You do too” he replies and smiley sadly before he makes his way into the house.

The first thing he sees is Hunter and Flint looking out of the one window that would give a small view of Maggie, watching her like a hawk. When they notice him standing in the front door he is greeted with the same look. God, how much he hated this big-brother attitude.

“You okay, Guerin?” Hunter asked with a warning in his voice.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Michael huffs walking inside.

In the living room he can already hear Jess and Lindsay preparing food in the kitchen, when he checks in on them he is greeted with a warm smile from Lindsay and an overwhelmed Jess.

“You need help, kids?”Michael asks while inconspicuously searching for a fire to put out.

Lindsay almost looks hopeful at that “You can cook?” she asks.

“I make a decent omelet” 

“Grab a spatula then” she says and he does with a laugh.

“There’s still no sign of him” Jess starts. He sounds like an over-eagerly kid who can’t wait for Christmas morning and Michael doesn’t like how this is going to end for him. 

“Because he won’t show” Hunter cuts in “don’t get your hopes up, kid”

“He might still show up” Jess says confidently turning his way to Michael “right?”

Michael eyes drop to the floor. Even though he wants to believe it, he knew better than to think it is the truth. It never is.

“It’s been 10 years, kid” he says softly.

Now, Jess’ look turns from Christmas morning to finding out Santa isn’t real. It would break Michael’s heart if it weren’t already broken.

Lindsay moves to cup his cheek, offering some comfort “He might not know, Maggie said she only spoke to some Sergeant or something”

Jess shakes his head regretfully.

“He might still come” The voice is low, quiet, almost shy and unmistakably a child’s.

“We should eat soon” Flint starts softly. “Funeral starts at 9 and it’s getting late. You about ready in here?”

Lindsay nods at that. “You think you can get Maggie to come inside?”

“I’ll go get her” Hunter insists. 

When Hunter goes to Maggie, she had just drifted off. He puts his hand on hers and shakes her lightly until she opens her eyes. “Is he…?” she asks hopefully only to find Hunter shaking his head at her.

She nods her head slowly, regretfully. 

“I’m sorry I was right, Maggie” Hunter says, voice soft and unusually welcoming. “I’m sorry he didn’t come”

Maggie squeezes her eyes closed. “No, you’re not”

Hunter couldn’t really argue with that. It is true. All he’s been hoping for these past for days is for his brother to stay away, hasn’t he? Yes, but he sure doesn’t like the look on Maggie’s face.

“Lindsay made pancakes, about half of them look edible. Guerin made omelet but I would strongly advise against it” a small laugh followed his voice, still softer than usually.

“Let’s go eat” Maggie declares with a bitter smile.

It turns out, none of Lindsay’s pancakes aren’t exactly edible, but the omelets are better than anyone expected and there are more than they can eat, so they make due. It’s almost a nice atmosphere. After Maggie’s third coffee and some light conversation, mostly with Lindsay, she excuses herself to get ready herself. 

The rest of them, already dressed for the funeral that followed, clean the kitchen, until they are interrupted by an excited Maggie, storming down the stairs, almost tripping over herself and then disappearing out the front door.

Jess is the first to follow her, Hunter and Flint looking at each other knowingly are leaving right after him, Lindsay is right behind them and Michael stands in the middle of an empty living room feels nothing.

Michael‘ s hands are shaking and all he can do is stare at them blankly. Was this really happening? Would the guy with stars in his eyes just show up at his doorstep? Today? Now? His knees go weak and he wonders what he must look like right now. He is a disaster, a sobbing mess and… fuck...he really is sobbing. What’s happening to him? How can some guy have such an impact on him, it’s embarrassing. All this just because he never got the memo on how to fall out of love with those golden-brown strands of hair? Michael has to pull himself together, now is not the time. He pushes his shaking hands into the pockets of his pants after he dries his own tears and fixes his hair. He can do this.

When he opens the front door he can see Hunter and Flint immediately, blocking the way or well,… the sight. They look at him and there is so much pain and truth and something else in it, something that could only be a warning. A warning for him to behave, to not mess this up and to keep his distance. Nothing ever changed around here. In this moment, for once, Michael actually agrees with them. The last thing he wants right now is to make a scene, be it for Maggie, because it is the day of her husband’s funeral after all, or for Jess. There was always a silent agreement between Michael and the two older Manes Brothers that Jess was to be protected and shielded from it. The it never a question. They all just knew. There was a good chance, Alex would torpedo all of this, at least if he was still the guy Michael once knew. 

So, all Michael does is nod at them, slightly and moves to the left end of the porch, leaning against a wooden batten that won’t shield him much, but it is better than nothing. He lets his cowboy hat slide down deep into his face and observes.

Lindsay leans against the railings while Maggie has left the stairs long behind her. She stands in the middle of the farm, eyes wide, with Jess just a few steps behind her, looking more hopeful than he has in a long while. It’s weird to Michael how Jess has turned his feelings about his lost brother upside down in the last few days. He came to believe it was mostly Lindsay’s influence on him and her way on giving everything the benefit of the doubt, but seeing Jess like this, with big happy eyes, maybe he did remember fragments of his brother, deep deep down. 

Three army vehicles have left the horizon long behind them and were slowly pulling into the farm. The sun was shining down hard, accentuating every scratch and mark on them and their huge wheels on the dry ground cause clouds of dust. Shortly after they come to a stop the first soldiers, not few and in uniform, step outside. Most greet Maggie with a nod and a quick “Ma’am”, he can hear someone giving her his condolences before a small group of soldiers gather around rummaging through the chaos in the back of the truck, where the luggage appeared to be. Michael doesn’t stop scanning trough the number of bodies that are suddenly on the farm, not even to notice how exhausted they look. He is looking for a face he hasn’t seen in 10 years, but he just can’t seem to find it. 

He looks around where everyone still has his gaze steadily on the vehicles, looking, searching, for that one face. Michael isn’t the only one not able to find him. Where’s Alex? 

His eyes wander back to Maggie, when he can hear someone else offering his condolences to her. She looks just as confused and baffled as the rest of them, her eyes have “still waiting” written all over them. It strikes the soldier’s attention. He is older than the rest of them, maybe around his thirties, Michael notices. His face looks much older though, large bags under his eyes and deep worry lines on his forehead. 

“Where’s cap?” He calls out to his colleagues. One,… no two soldiers reply with a shrug.

The guy walks over to the last vehicle, glancing into the backseat, than walking to the other side of the car. “Waking up sleeping beauty, you’re home” he mumbles.

Something moves, the older guy steps back to make some space and Michael heart’s stops. At first, he can only see his back with most blocked from the big vehicle. But he just KNOWS. 

He was different, so different than the last time he has seen him, broader shouldered, shorter hair and taller. Is it possible he is taller? Well, it’s been 10 years, right? When Alex finally turns around, Michael feels warm. He notices every small detail about him in a second: his face is more defined, a stronger jaw and cutting cheekbones frame it. A small stubble is visible, that wasn’t allowed in the air force, how long must they have been on the road? His hair, shorter, but still such a dark brown colour that shimmers golden in the sunlight. Just for a tiny second, Michael’s eyes went wide and he could see him, seventeen and stricken, beautiful like nothing he’s ever seen before. When their eyes meet Michael grows cold. Those deep blue eyes he sees hold no light, no warmth and no sparkle in them. It’s like the stars went missing. The realization, what 10 years of war must have done to his first love leaves him in shock and his hand shaking more than ever now, it’s good they are still in his pockets. Next all Michael sees is cold eyes, dirt in the crease of his neck, more than a few scars on the little skin that that is visible and a fresh, red cut on his forehead. 

It must be the most cruel joke the universe has for him. He’s been waiting 10 years for him to come back and what he finds is a bad mix tape of Hunter and Flint in uniform. Michael wants to run, to leave the bad memory behind. To forget what has become of the guy he once loved. He can’t.

Instead, he watches Alex nod lightly at Hunter and Flint, who seem too overwhelmed to do something about it. They look cold, empty. Like Alex.

When Alex starts moving and Michael thinks he couldn’t be more heartbroken, he finds he can. Alex’s one hand holds a bouquet of yellow zinnias, the other one, is holding on to the car, leaning on it as much as he can, until he has to let go in order to reach Maggie. Alex limps.

Michael isn’t sure whether anyone else notices. He isn’t sure what happens in the next few moments to him, but when he is able to breath again and his heart slows down Alex is hugging Maggie, who is already holding her bouquet of flowers. 

He can see Maggie whisper into his ear before she lets him go again and Michael knows what she is saying. Alex was the one, who would bring her a bouquet of flower her husband used to bring her when everyone else was thinking about his work. That’s why he was always her favourite. 

And Michael thinks, no he dares to hope that maybe, just maybe his Alex is still in there. Somewhere, just waiting to be found. 

“Cap!” someone calls for him “Make sure this is yours” the older soldier holds onto one of these army duffel bags as Alex makes his way over to them. 

“Someone decided it would be a hilarious prank to switch the name tags on these” the guy explained to the rest of them, while two of the younger guys start laughing, earning a sharp glance from Alex. 

Alex nods at the bag and the other guy calls out to Jess “Come on, kid, give grandpa a hand”

“It’s fine, JJ” Alex calls out to him and takes a step forward to take the bag himself.

“It’s Jess” he hisses. Alex’s movement stops and he just looks at him for a long moment, nodding sadly. “It’s Jess now” he continues, softer, but still not quite there yet.

Jess takes the bag, carrying it inside. Alex’s eyes follow him.

“Well, this is definitely going to be interesting. You can still skip and hang out at my place” the soldier offers with a wide grin

“You just don’t want to be left alone with the kids” Alex responds with a small laugh. “Take care, Mick ” he pats his shoulders and turns around to face the other soldiers pointing a finger at them “behave, hear me?” 

“See you in a few days, Manes. Don’t go AWOL on me” Mick, apparently, says with raised eyebrows before he gestures for the others to get back into the cars before getting in himself. They drive away honking.

They stand in awkward silence around the living room, everyone making a good job at avoiding eye contact, while Maggie instructs Jess to put the bag in the guest room. When she comes back she looks at them furious, telling them to sit down on the table instead of just standing around. She comments on Alex looking as if he hadn’t eaten or slept in days and declares to get some real food into them. Hunter mentions they should get going soon, very much uncomfortable while doing it, but she shushes him with a quick explanation how her husband would still be dead in another hour, he wouldn’t mind waiting. She complained another time when they were still standing around, this time they finally sit down. Michael sits down on the opposite end of the table as Alex, who takes place next to Maggie, wincing at the pain while sitting down more than he wants to do.

They sit in silence, awkward silence and Michael could already hear Lindsay making fun of them later. 

Predictably, Hunter is the one to break the silence. 

“So, what’s with the leg?” he asks bluntly, looking directly at Alex. 

Alex sits up a little straighter, most of the soldier facade slipping away as he stares at Hunter intently. Michael can see him debating, deciding on how to answer that question. When Alex finally answers, Michael swears it’s seventeen year old Alex answering to his oldest brother.

“It’s laying somewhere in the Iraqi desert” 

Lindsay let’s out a shocked sound, trying to take it back immediately. 

“It‘ s fine“Alex reassures her. He looks sorry, Michael notices. “It’s just acting up, it’s been a long few days”

“I bet” Hunter says. 

They fall back into silence until Maggie appears again and tells a story about how she didn’t even like zinnias, but never had the heart to tell her husband who enjoyed giving them to her so much.

Michael leaves the table first, making up an excuse to check on something. 

Flint snucks out soon after.

Jess after him.

The teenager is about to go find Michael when he finds Flint sitting on the steps of the back porch, hiding miserably behind bush. When he sees Jess he laughs at him. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who had enough. 

“You looking for Guerin? pretty sure he’s hiding too” she gestures for Jess to sit down next to him.

“What are you hiding from?” Jess asks with a raised eyebrow. 

They aren’t close. They get along alright, but Jess can’t remember having a conversation with his older brother that wasn’t about the farm or school. Especially not the two of them, usually he and Hunter come in a pair. Something makes him curious about it, maybe it is because Flint looks...regretful?

“Can’t take the quiet” he almost whispers and leans over to give Jess his beer bottle. “Don’t tell Hunter” Jess takes it thankfully. 

“It’s always quiet here” he says, asks, waiting for an explanation.

It is true. There were more people living in the house than it was usual for a family, but there never really is any noise, not really. They weren’t the kind of family to have a movie night or big family dinners. Even if they did, it always remained kind of...formal.

“Not with him around” Flint starts. He starts fuddling around with his hands, staring into the empty air in front of him. “You really don’t remember?” he asks Jess with uncertainty in his voice, looking straight at him.

Jess shakes his head slowly. No, he doesn’t remember.

Flint turns to look into the air again. He shakes his head as he starts talking. “Alex was an asshole as a teenager” he starts laughing at the memory “He had this whole rebel phase where he was always skipping curfew and stuff. You know how Dad was, they didn’t get along too well. Whenever Alex was out late, Dad would start complaining about how ungrateful and disrespectful he was and stuff” he paused for a second. “Hunter wouldn’t take that and was always making up excuses and defending him which just ended with the two of them screaming at each other, but when Alex was at home… those fights were spectacular. He was that kind of person who wouldn’t let anyone tell him anything. He was so stubborn.” A smile appeared on Flint’s face. He continues speaking softly. “But whenever Alex was there to defend himself… Well, Hunter let him. I’m not sure he even knows Hunter always sticked up for him” he sighs. 

Jess responds with concern in his eyes “Where was your place in all this?” he asks.

“Where it always is. Somewhere between the fronts.” he nods bitter. “I am pretty sure, Alex wouldn’t have come home that often if it hadn’t been for you.” he says, nudging their shoulders softly. “Good talk, kid. Leave Guerin in peace, okay? Sometimes someone just needs to stay hidden for a while” he says while standing up, taking his beer bottle from Jess and walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thanks for reading I would love for you to tell me what you think
> 
> Second, I am not sure how common this is, but in my country soldiers usually team up, depending on where they live and kind of roadtrip home, dropping everybody off on the way. Just in case this isn't as common for you as it is for me. I just really like the idea of it and wanted to use it.
> 
> Third, I know it is unrealistic for Alex to serve when he already lost his leg, but it is a fanfiction after all and I just want to use it for chapters that are coming.
> 
> Also I know there wasn't really any interaction between Alex and Michael but those two can't stay away too long, we will see some action in the next chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much! Let me know what you think. What was your favorite part? What do you think is going to happen next? Much love to everyone:))


	7. Sedona

Michael makes sure he keeps a polite distance between him and Alex throughout the whole funeral, which Alex seems to second since the other man won’t even look him in the eye. It bothers Michael, but he manages.

It gets a lot easier when their friends join them for a late lunch. It creates some distance between the fronts, which Michael appreciates. At first. The second Liz and Maria lay eyes on Alex, they are buzzing. Michael remembers the three of them wandering the halls, joined at the hip, too well. Between the hugging and retelling of old stories Michael believes he finds a small smile on Alex’s lips. It disappears as soon as it appeared and he’s not even sure if it is something, but it’s makes him curious. 

It also gets a lot worse. Since Liz is side-lining Max, too preoccupied with her old friend, and Isobel is planning the evening, Max has all the time in the world to torture Michael. 

Max has always had power over Michael, one that would make him snap and latch out at his older brother. That is, if he was to breath funny at him. Today, Max doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. Max knows, and he never lets Michael forget that fact. Especially today. From the moment he saw Alex Manes walk beside Maggie he was watching Michael intensely, never losing sight of him. Michael’s only goal today is to endure every knowing look he shoots him because he won‘ t give him the satisfaction. It’s hard, but he manages.

As the sun starts to set, everyone starts walking up the hills to one of the big fields, enclosed by some small forest. Isobel set up a big pavilion with a small bar, a large campfire Noah is guarding and something that is probably supposed to act as a dance floor. Michael feels internally grateful to his sister, it was the perfect setup. He could see on Maggie’s face how much she loves it. 

He knows a big part of Maggie’s wide smile is due to the fact that everyone is together tonight, she does hold a special place in her heart for every single person that is here tonight, but seeing how much work Isobel has put into this little gathering, all for her husband must be a special moment for her.

Jess and Lindsay are the ones to open the dance floor, dancing to old man Sander’s favorite songs. Everything from Sweet Caroline to Killer Queen. Three beers later, when Don’t go breaking my heart starts playing, Isobel and Noah already on the dance floor and Liz and Maria whirling around with drunken laughs, Maggie gets up to dance herself, Alex on hand. 

Michael about loses it. He knows, just knows Max is watching him, but he can’t take his eyes off of the man. His expression looks pained, which doesn’t really come in a surprise considering the man has had trouble walking the entire day, how would dancing be any easier? They manage to sway somewhat rhythmically to the song, but it would probably be awkward if it weren’t for Maggie’s soft laugh and Alex’s lips curving into a small smile. 

He looks so beautiful like this. His hair, illuminated by the fire light, follows him as his muscular body moves through the tender summer air. Wide smile and big, brown eyes twinkle towards the woman in his arms. Michael can’t look away.

Only Max’s low chuckle can rip him away from his thoughts. When he wouldn’t stop after Michael snaps at him, to leave it alone, he makes a quick decision. He can’t take it anymore. He leaves his half-empty beer bottle on the table next to the rest of them and walks into the forest. He can hear Max still laughing at him and Hunter yell after him, probably bitching about how he can’t even pull himself together for one night. The voices start fading the deeper he gets into the forest. He is in desperate need of some quiet, he can’t take the voices anymore. Michael burries his head in his shaking hands, sobbing into them, until he can hear irregular footsteps coming closer. He turns around.

Jess, Hunter and Flint are spread around a small table in the back, few beers in and sitting in silence. It has been an uncomfortable day for all of them and none has said a word to each other until Michael strikes past them, clearly upset. 

Hunter tries to call out to him, to reason with him, not amused when he is being ignored. 

“It’s always the fucking same with that guy, always drama. He’s about to start another fight, I recognize that look. Fucking Gue...” Hunter states harshly, only to be shut up by Jess.

“Just leave him! You don’t have to talk shit about him all the time. He’s a good guy whether you believe that or not. Just leave him alone.”

“Oh, and you know that because you know him so well?”

“He’s my friend.”

“Let me show you exactly who Michael Guerin is, kid” Hunter says with a grin on his face.

Flint tries to call them back, but Hunter is already storming off, Jess right behind him. 

Alex is breathing heavily as though he’d been running, but considering his leg he probably only needs to walk normally to get this reaction. There is a wild look in his eyes that leaves Michael questioning everything. Alex takes a step towards him, entering Michael’s personal space with determination.

Michael barely has time to inhale once before Alex is cupping his cheek, looking at him for a second with eyes that are wide, red rimmed, and bright, and full of hope and fear and doubt and promise. 

“Are you okay?” his voice a little more than a whisper, but it was loud in Michael’s ears.

What exactly was he supposed to answer to that? How could he be okay if Alex stands this close to him, running his thumb over his cheeks, his hot breath touching his skin? How was he supposed to be okay if nothing was okay?

“Michael?” He still spoke in a whisper, and Michael only laughs and says nothing more.

Michael nods his head with a broken expression on his face, pulling away slowly. He takes a few steps back and turns away from the other man. He tries to focus on the way the trees smell and the ground feels under his feet, trying to cut out fading footsteps he would hear any minute now.  
Expect he didn’t. He could still feel him, just standing there.

“Why’d you come back?” Alex asks sincerely.

Michael turns around again, looking him straight in the eyes.“That’s what you wanna talk about right now?” he laughs. 

Alex’s hand goes to cover his mouth and he gasps for air. He shrugs his shoulder, looking apologetic. He looks so innocent, Michael thinks.

Michael moves and then finally presses their mouths together. Suddenly he’s kissing the man he’s been waiting to kiss again for 10 years. Michael kisses him over and over and over and over again, never separating their lips enough to even catch a breath. 

Their hands are all over each other, exploring each others bodies another time. When Alex’s hands stop at Michael’s hair, burying them there he starts pulling slightly. He instantly notices the smile that curls one corner of Michael’s mouth and starts pulling a bit harder. Michael’s smile turns into a low moan against Alex’s mouth. He than drags his mouth open and wet and hot down Alex’s throat, dragging his tongue over the slight stubble that is still there and biting into his chin.

Alex makes these little noises in the back of his throat that drive Michael mad. Then, Alex just laughs again, cheeks are flushed and he looks like every damn wet dream Michael has had of him. 

Michael’s hand drop from tugging at his collar to his hips, pushing both of them backwards to lean against a tree, and Alex goes willingly. He’d go everywhere Michael wants him to. Their hips are joined again instantly, rubbing against each other, causing fraction that gives them both pleasure.

Michael kisses him again, hard and fast, biting and licking into that mouth. He only stops when his hands reaches his fly. He pulls back a little, looking for Alex’s eyes, for something that tells him this is okay, to go on. When their eyes meet, Michael swears he sees stars in them, so bright and beautiful. Alex nods at him with a lazy gaze, telling him to go on. So, Michael does. He is trying to find his way through the pants when Alex reaches down himself to get rid of them. Someone seems eager. When his pants finally fall down around his knees they reveal Alex’s leaking cock, red and swollen, just waiting for Michael. 

Michael almost drops at the sight. He is restless, all he wants to do is get Alex over the edge, but he can’t resist a little torture. He leaves wet and hot kisses along his neck while letting his fingers cup Alex’s ass, opening it to let his fingertips wander over Alex’s hole.

“Fuuc… Micha...el” his voice stutters out into a groan.

When Michael drops to his knees, Alex’s hands find its way to his hair immediately, dragging his fingers restlessly through Michael’s soft curls, pulling and tugging, showing him exactly where he wants him.   
Michael teases some more, leaving wet kisses all over Alex’s thighs, who hums approvingly. Michael moves on to bite the sensitive skin, just to start sucking on it afterwards and the noises that come from Alex’s mouth are enough to tell him he’s doing something right. 

Michael pulls away with a gasp and looks up at Alex with wide eyes through his lashes, fluttering open and close several times, before taking his cock into his mouth, making Alex moan even more.

Alex arches his neck back, eyes fluttering shut and groaning every time Michael manages to take him in deeper and deeper, losing himself in the sensation of it all.

Their bodies radiating with heat and lust, neither notices they are being watched. Hunter makes his way back first, leaving a stuttered Jess behind, jaw dropped and eyes popping out before he turns around and follows his brother back to the party.

The moon shines bright when Michael makes his way back to the farm house, still so lost in his thoughts of the past hour, he doesn’t even notice Jess appearing behind him. It’s too late when Jess’s fist hits his right eye. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, kid?”

“It’s always the same with you, can’t you keep your dick to yourself for once...just once? He’s my fucking brother! You really had to use him to get off tonight...really?” Jess is screaming and sobbing all at once. “You’re supposed to be my friend” He whines. 

Michael, too perplexed to answer, just watches him take off.

“You’re not even back 24 hours and are already causing trouble” Hunter states content.

Alex turns around at that facing his brother with a grin. “Good evening Hunter, how are you? How can I help you tonight?” 

Hunter is unimpressed, so Alex continues with a growing annoyance.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to stay away from Guerin” Hunter says harshly. When Alex wants to move on, Hunter continues quickly, letting his younger brother know exactly what this is about. “Never thought you’d be that enthusiastic to be honest with you” 

Alex freezes.

“You wanna try beating it out of me too?” Alex nods slowly “You’re just like Dad”

“I’m nothing like Dad!” Hunter yells suddenly. “I gave him a job and a home when he had nothing. I did everything I could to make up for what happened”

“I wish you hadn’t. Because if you hadn’t given him an easy way out maybe he’d be building a space ship right now rather than working on some fucking farm! And you didn’t do anything to make up for Dad, you did that to deal with your own guilt.” he exhales shortly “You know what you did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, let me know what you think!  
> This chapter is supposed to give you some high school reunion vibes. I know that all the other characters only mentioned shortly, that is because I really wanna focus more on the Brothers.
> 
> Hope you had fun reading!:))


	8. We built this city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: We built this City - Aron Wright, Jill Andrews

“Ready for round two already?”

Michael’s gaze is still directed to the fireplace in front of him, his profile warmed up by the soft flames that escape it, but his lips curl into a wide smile as soon as the shameless words escape his mouth. He’s content with his choice of words and the reaction he gets from it. Michael doesn’t even need to fully look at Alex to see what it does to him: he stands on the edge of the porch, hands nervously fidgeting with his jacket, bashful eyes looking down at his feet and cheeks turning into a bright colour of red. Nothing seems that bad if he can still make Alex blush, Michael thinks.

Alex looks like he wants to disappear, to run away from everything. Instead, he speaks. “Thought I’d give you a heads up. Apparently we weren’t as discreet as we thought...my brother saw us.” His voice is shaking and he has to swallow hard as he finishes talking, but he isn’t trying to avoid eye contact any more. Michael can feel Alex’s eyes on him. 

“I got the memo” Michael says, not so shameless any more. He turns to face Alex, letting the light of the fire cover his whole face, including his red banged-up eye.

Alex eyes grow wide. He sits on the empty lawn chair next to Michael immediately, hands on his eye, trying to get a better look at it.

“I’m so sorr… I can’t believe he’d…” There was an edge to his shaking voice.

“It’s fine, barely hurts” Michael tries to shush him.

“I’m gonna...” 

“I can take a punch, it’s fine, Lex” Michael insists.

“No it’s not!”

Michael knows that Alex is right. It’s not fine. It’s never going to be fine. But this wasn’t the right time to let Alex’s thoughts wander to the nightmares of his childhood. 

A heavy silence lays between them. It’s quiet for a few more moments where Alex still scans Michael’s eye as if it was going to fix anything, before Michael decides it is enough. 

Michael lays his hands on top of Alex’s, guiding them away from his face to let their now intertwined fingers rest on his lap. He watches them closely as he starts playing with them, brushing them together softly and flipping them over and over to inspect their every inch of skin. A little smile forms on Michael’s lips as he can feel Alex relax against the motion. 

“I’m surprised he came to talk to you, too”

“Doesn’t seem like there was so much talking involved with you” Alex answers harshly.

“He’s not your father, Lex” Michael offers softly. “He’s a good kid, I swear. He was just...confused.”

“What?” Alex’s eyes rise to meet Michael’s, which were still pointed to their hands until a second ago.

“What?”

“Which brother are you talking about?” Alex asks.

“I thought we were talking about Jess?” Michael’s voice is thin now. This isn’t going to end too well. 

“Jess knows?!” 

“Wait who are you talking about?”

“Hunter!”

“Hunter saw us?” Michael can’t stop himself from laughing at that. “Fuck.” Of course it had to be Hunter, he thinks. 

Alex doesn’t find it as hilarious as Michael does. His eyes are still wide in shock and his mind seems to be processing the new information that was just revealed to him. 

“You okay in there?” Michael asks when Alex still remains quiet.

“Not sure what’s worse, my little brother watching me get sucked off or he punching you.”

“At least he learned some stuff tonight” Michaels says, shameless grin on his face. “If that helps”

“It really doesn’t” Alex says, before starting to laugh himself. The warm laugh sends butterflies to Michael’s stomach, they explode when Alex lowers his head to rest on Michael’s shoulder. He wouldn’t mind staying like this forever, fingers intertwined and Alex’s hair tickling his neck. Luckily, Alex makes no move to leave. 

“He’s a good kid” Michael repeats “I bet he’s just jealous, he was really excited to meet you. Can’t hold him responsible for that.”

Alex’s warm breath grazes the sensitive skin on Michael’s throat, as he exhales a little to hard at those words. 

Both men don’t dare to move. They just sit there in front of a small fire enjoying each others company.

“You asked me why I came back.” Michael says. “I never left Roswell, I turned down my scholarship. Isobel got breast cancer, we found out a few days after graduation.” he can feel Alex’s hand squeezing his own, starting to rub it lightly. “She’s been in and out the hospital for years, she’s doing good now. She’s been clear for almost two years.” Michael remembers all the painful hospital visits, he remembers it as if it were yesterday. Often, Isobel was too weak to sit up and too tired to really participate in any conversation. It was like seeing a ghost of his sister.   
His eyes begin to water at the thoughts of his sister, but Alex is quick to wipe away any tears. His hands feel soft and gentle on Michael’s skin.

“I’m so sorry, this sucks” Alex says sincerely.

Michael can’t help but laugh at that. “Yeah, it does” 

Michael doesn’t know what he’s asking, he’s pressing his forehead against Alex’s, pressure and warmth comforting them both, he’s hearing the words coming and can’t stop them, he just starts to ramble.

“Are you happy? Because my life didn’t turn out like I thought it would, not at all, but I made peace with it and-- I’m happy. I don’t know how or when that happened, but I kind of found my family, and I think I’m happy. I found peace and - - and you found war. Are you happy?”

Alex’s eyes shutter close for a moment, and Michael wants to back pedal, wants to apologize for breaking their bubble, disturbing the peace and quiet, then Alex was speaking.

“Almost” his voice only a whisper, but it’s loud in Michael’s ears and suddenly he can feel Alex’s eyes on him again. This cat and mouse game of them is getting old, Michael thinks, knowing full well Alex was talking about them, he leans in to feel those soft lips against his again, but Alex pulls back.

“I should go” voice cracking as he gets up and walks away.

“Why?” Michael calls after him, almost sure he wouldn’t get an answer to that. 

Alex’s movements stops, and for a moment he just stands there. 

“Lexie?”

He turns around and god he looks so beautiful like this, his eyes full of sparkles not even the U.S. military can get rid of, not really. He smiles sadly before speaks with a deep, regretful voice.

“I’m not the guy you fell in love with when we were 17 any more. I can’t because I am leaving on Monday, because I am missing a fucking leg and if that’s not enough I give you Hunter and Flint and Jess and...”

“Lexie!”

“I am never coming back here!” Alex yells.

Alex’s words hit Michael hard, even though he already knows. Maybe it is because he knows. This painful truth, that accompanies him everywhere he goes, that makes him turn at night and that he keeps wishing it isn’t true.Alex is never coming home. In some way, he also keeps is close to his heart. Because truth is, Michael is happy that Alex left, that he got out. The way he did sucks, he didn’t expect a fucking love letter but maybe a call or a text or maybe just a fucking goodbye. He got nothing. And yet, somehow he got everything. Alex got out. He made it. That the reason why his words don’t surprise him at all.

“I didn’t ask you to come home. I’d never do that. What I am asking for is - - all I am asking for is one night, because you’re here now, and I waited 10 fucking years for you and - - I deserve one fucking night, Lexie.”

Michael gets up slowly, turns around and walks inside the barn.

Alex follows.

Alex shivers and clutches the cloak tighter around his shoulders. He glares at Michael, who lies bundled in blankets next to him. Alex shifts closer, brushing his hand over Michael’s arm and burying his head in Michael’s neck, where he places feather-light kisses until he can hear the other man chuckle. 

Michael seemingly enjoys getting woken up like this until his body registers the cold mass pressed to it.

“Jesus, Lex. You’re freezing!” he complains pushing the other man away from him. 

“No shit!” Alex teases, smiling wide and soft, pointing at the blankets by Michael, before stealing one for himself. “You’re a terrible room mate, you know?”

Michael, who registers his mistake now, doesn’t give up just yet. “You’re the one stealing blankets right now”

“You started it.”

Michael watches Alex making himself comfortable, adjusting the blanket so his whole body is covered. Michael loves him like this, when his hair is messy and voice soft. In the morning lights, Alex is just Alex, he doesn’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, not yet. So, Michael gives a shit about the blankets, he just enjoys the ease between them. And, he spots an opportunity.

“I am not obligated to share blankets with my room mate. Except, if, you know… you’d be something else than just my room mate.”

Alex bites. 

He rolls over to be closer to Michael again, smiling at him even wider, before joining their lips together hard, causing a deep moan in Michael’s throat.

“I don’t know… do room mates do that?”

“I don’t think they do” Michael answers as he leans back in, to get some more kisses out of this morning.

When Alex’s hands reach Michael’s boxers he is being pushed back another time, despite his protest.

“We don’t have time for that”

“It’s 5 am on a Sunday, what could we possibly have to do” Alex says as he is trying to get back into Michael’s space, earning a series of laughs.

“Farmer’s market is at 6, so breakfast will be soon”

“Wait… so I actually don’t get any morning sex?” Alex pouts.

“Sorry soldier” Michael says as he gives him a quick peck on the lips.

They lie in bed just some longer, trying to forget the fact that their agreement was for one night. Only one night. Their gaze wanders along one another, their bodies touch lightly. It’s still so quiet on the farm, one could almost forget there’s is a whole world outside this barn.

“I should go, right?” Alex begins with a smile on his lips, but eyes mournful.

“Yeah” Michael says softly. He watches Alex get up, before his hand gets a hold on his arm, holding him back. “Can you do something for me, Lex?”

“Sure” Alex speaks softly, grateful for an excuse to stay just a little bit longer. “What do you need?” 

“Lex...” Michael whispers, struggling to sit up he continues with a cracking voice ”Can you...” Michael shakes his head, then feels a gentle hand ease against his elbow. “Can you give me a hickey?”

“Fuck” Alex mouths.

He forgot about that. When they were young, Michael was always very eager to leave Alex covered in hickeys in impossible places. He used to be so proud of them, that Alex asked him about it one day. Michael explained he likes to think of them as permanent love marks or something. It was proof you were cherished and cared for, proof you were loved. Something you could look at, even days later when your mind starts to wonder whether you made it all up or not, and not just remember, but see proof of. After that, Michael was walking around, covered in hickeys, as well.

“I forgot about that. Fuck… I don’t want to forget anything of you ever again.” Alex says with a tear rolling down his cheek. He gives Michael a quick peck on the lips and leaves the memory behind. “Where do you want it?” 

“I don’t care. Anywhere you like”

That’s easy. Alex found his new favourite place on Michael about five minutes in last night. The tattoo was a shock at first, he never wanted to be an anchor for Michael and it just seemed like a reminder that everything ends. But Michael insisted that it was more of the opposite: a reminder that there is happiness out there. The tattoo looked so effortless on the soft skin, and if Alex was honest and just a bit selfish for once, he likes the idea of always being with Michael. He likes to imagine, that even when he dies in a pile of sand, in a war that took so much from him, he will be remembered halfway around the world, still alive next to the most beautiful heart he’s ever seen. His name will stay there, effortlessly for eternity, just like he is supposed to. Maybe in another lifetime.

When Alex is done, Michael’s chest shows four large hickeys, just on top of his tattoo. Alex can see the question in Michael’s eyes as he looks back up at him. “one permanent love mark for each time you fucked my brains out last night” he says with a smirk. 

Alex leans down again, touching Michael’s chest another time. “And this one is a promise, if you want it to be” Alex swallows hard as he looks into Michael’s loving eyes. “because one night with Michael Guerin will never be enough.”

“Which one are you waiting for?” Hunter asks as he spots his youngest brother, glancing out the window by the front door, pointing exactly to one barn.

Jess looks at him with confusion.

“Which one are you waiting for?” Flint wonders as he comes down the stairs, seeing both of his brothers lingering around one famous window. 

“Alex. I’m trying to get rid of any bad blood, might’ve come off a little harsh last night.” Hunter answers.

“That’s kinda your thing, you know?” Flint points out with a raised eyebrow. 

Hunter just grows annoyed at that. “I’m just trying to make sure his intentions are right. I don’t want him toying around with Guerin, the guy is incapable of saying no to him” Flint shrugs at that. 

“You know?” Jess speaks with a loud voice and a growing accusation towards his brother.

Flint seems to enjoy leaving his kid brother in the unknown. “Just because I don’t fight on the front line, doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s happening on the battlefield”

“What?” Now, Hunter seems confused as well. 

“Yes, I know” Flint states. “I know everything”

“No, you don’t” Hunter almost seems offended by that. 

“Alex sneaked back in about five minutes ago. He always uses the backdoor, no pun intended” Flint says with a wide grin “He’s showering now. Give Guerin another five, then you can apologize for the...” Flint stops talking and instead, points to his eye. 

Now, Flint’s face is nothing but a wide grin, directed exactly at his older brother, who walks away defeated. 

When it is just Jess and Flint, the younger starts to ramble. “So… he just kinda… you know slept over there?”

“You’re slow, kid” Flint says as the door opens. When Michael comes into view, he is greeted by a laughing Flint, taking much joy in the red mess, that is his eye, before he disappears into the living room.

“Hi” Jess says, getting angry looks from Michael. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened. I don’t know why I did that.”

Michael studies Jess’s expression carefully. There’s no doubt it’s filled with remorse. 

“What happened? I was pretty wasted.” Michael replies with a soft voice. He gives Jess a quick pat on the shoulder, before making his way to the kitchen.

Michael leans in the door frame, content he found what he was looking for. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not actually touching anything. Maggie forbid me, I’m just here for entertainment” Lindsay jokes.

“What?” she asks further, as she sees him checking the kitchen and the living room, making sure no one is in earshot. 

“You still wanna be my ally?” he asks with a dangerous smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part, where Michael asks Lindsay to be his ally is a referance to chapter "When did your heart go missing?". Just in case someone forgot.   
> What are you thinking about this chapter? I tried to add some angst and fluff. I'm also in love with Michael calling Alex "Lexie":)))
> 
> Thank you for reading, feel free to leave a comment!


	9. Perfect Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double date, Carpool Karaoke, Bonding and milkshakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody remember me?
> 
> Okay, so it has been a while. I apologize. I had my exams and then got shitfaced for two weeks until I eventually got sober and remebered the 23985738057830 fanfictions I wanted to write, and this one in particular, I really want to finish.   
> The song you will find in the fic is Perfect Duet by Ed Sheeran and Beyonce
> 
> So, I am sorry for the wait...BUT here is your new chapter.

Perfect Duet

Michael comes inside of Alex hard. No need to bite back any moans, he makes his arousal known by babbling and sputtering a series of slurs. He has never been the kind to stay silent, but with Alex he never stood a chance. 

He can feel Alex tense around him and come just a minute later.

Michael’s ears are being tortured by Alex’s hitched breath as he keeps rocking in steady movements. He manages to place another hot wet kiss on Alex’s throat before his limps are going weak and he collapses on the other man. 

He’s doesn’t know how long, but he’s sure he just lays there, feeling nothing but Alex Manes under his shuddering body, for a good few minutes. Inhale. Alex’s chest and his soft perfect silken skin pressed to his chest. Exhale. Michael’s length still buried deep inside of Alex, he still hasn’t pulled out, but he doesn’t hear him complaining. Alex feels so warm and tight and wet and perfect around him. Inhale. Alex’s leg, that was just placed around his hips and it’s heel grazing his ass with every pound is now entwined with his own legs. Exhale. Michael’s back getting lazily stroken by a strong hand as soft laughter emerges from somewhere near around him. That’s what brings Michael back. 

“You laughing at me now, Lex?”

Michael moves back slowly to pull out, missing Alex around him immediately but using this chance to get further up to melt into Alex’s lips slowly, sucking at his lower lip with more demand than his body should allow him before moving back once again, to take his time and look at Alex. 

“We’re not seventeen anymore.” Michael continues.

Alex’s mouth is red and swollen and looks so sinful, his eyes are sparkling with satisfaction and Michael swears he can see the whole universe in them. The wide grin plastered on Alex’s face makes him look radiant just now. It takes no effort for Michael to see he is still dizzy himself from the last hour, but Michael’s gaze wanders lower. 

Michael attacked Alex’s neck earlier tonight, unmercifully, leaving a series of hickeys there, low enough to be covered by a normal Tshirt, but in a deep purple shape, burned into his skin screaming “mine”. 

“You make us sound so old.” 

Alex’s bare chest is moving up and down under Michael’s palms. Little drops of sweat are lined up, sitting on and around muscles Michael wasn’t even sure one could have. Alex’s body felt so different, his broad shoulders were the opposite of what Michael remembered (not that he complained) but his fingers didn’t seem to mind. 

Muscle memory. Touching Alex Manes was like muscle memory. It was burned so deep into the very being that was Michael Guerin that no matter how long they’ve been apart, how much they changed, touching him would always feel right.

“We’re not that old, Michael”

Michael forgot what they were talking around the time he was appreciating Alex’s neck and he was pretty sure nothing could spark his interest enough so he would actually take his eyes off of Alex’s chest. 

“If you’re done with your inspection you could come back into my arms.” Alex sighs.

Fine. That does the trick. 

Michael meets Alex’s grin and let himself fall back into Alex’s inviting arms, being swirled around the second they touched. 

Alex holds him in place from behind. Michael feels a fleeing kiss on his shoulders before Alex starts to stroke his arm and buries his face in the back of his neck. Michael responds by pulling Alex’s right leg, his bad leg around his hip and starts to stroke it as well. 

The first time he saw Alex’s leg he was overcame by the need to caress it. To stroke it, to massage the soft skin and rub the long scares. To kiss away the pain. He was careful to hide his desire, remembering the boy whose worst fear was to be pitied. 

But Alex let Michael care for him, he let him love him. He didn’t just allow the touch, he was able to relax into it. And Michael? Michael fell all over again.

Laying here, in Alex’s arms, in a bed that smelled like sex and air filled with soft laughter and love. It was worth the wait.

The moment passes when Lindsay is suddenly standing in the middle of the room.

“You decent, boys?” she asks grinning sheepishly.

The sound triggers Alex’s body. Their naked bodies, intertwined just seconds ago rise up and Michael can see Alex build himself up defensively. No, Michael can feel it. Alex’s warm skin turns cold, his muscles tense and his eyes grow wide as he is determined to fight the enemy. Not sure if there was an enemy to fight. 

The scene was way too familiar for Michael himself, two naked bodies in a shed. It didn’t have a happy ending the last time. But Michael was determined not to let his past memories change anything about tonight. He has a mission. 

So, Michael uses his charm as a shield, not only for himself but for the man who is laying next to him. 

“Were you hoping for a show, princess?” Michael counters with his signature smirk on his face, knowing from past nights at the pony that it was a good of a thing as anything to create distraction. At the same time, he moves to take his boxers from the foot of the bed, to cover his own exposed cook and take a thin blanket with it, that would not only cover Alex’s cook but his exposed stump, that hopefully went unnoticed. He knows the other man doesn’t need the glances.

Alex is still shell-shocked next to him, now glancing down, only waiting for something to explode. Michael can feel that he doesn’t even dare to take a breath, the blanket only does little for his comfort. 

“Actually, we’re starving for a burger and a milkshake.” a pleading look lays on Lindsay’s face.

Only now, Michael notices the body that was still standing in the door frame. Jess had the same annoyed expression that was on Michael’s face now, both looks directed towards Lindsay. But while Jess’s expression says “I can’t believe you dragged me into this” Michael’s says “You’re early”.

“So, we’ll meet the two of you out by your truck in 15?”

Michael replies with a small smile on his lips. “You got it.”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this” 

“Would you just chill out?”

“I can’t believe you did that!”

“It would’ve been rude not to invite him”

“Oh yeah, as if that was your only motive”

“My motives are burgers...”

“Lindsay!”

“Jesus, so what if I want you to get to know your brother. He’s only here for a few days and he is more stuborn than you are, if that is even possible. The two of you need a little help.”

“Maybe, I don’t want to get to know him.”

“Jesus Jess! It was a fucking blow job, get over it! You made amends with Michael but you can’t make an effort to get to know you own brother? Oh of course, I forgot it’s different when it’s Guerin, this whole best buddies thing is getting old, you know? Hey, maybe you can bond over your love for fucking Michael Guerin.”

“Lindsay...”

“Save it, I’ll be mad at you later.”

“Wait,… how do you know he is more stubborn than I am? Is Michael in on this? Did you talk to him?” 

“Love you too, baby” Lindsay says, placing a sweet kiss on Jess’s cheek before she takes him by the hand, guiding him towards the garage, where Michael’s truck is waiting for them.

“Lindsay lost her license a week after she got it. Speeding. She drove around 150 when it was supposed to be 90. Jess never even passed. So, I am their designated driver for any late night snacks” Michael says letting his fingers brush over Alex’s chin, appreciating the little stubble that was beginning to show. They settled back onto the bed, resting against the headboard.

“Somehow he is a worse driver than you.” he teases and both men remember. Pictures of two boys in an old truck flush their minds. 

“Sounds like he had a bad teacher” Alex counters with a raised eyebrows, all signs of discomfort disappearing at Michael’s touch.

“I am a great teacher!”

“I don’t know, you‘ ve always been pretty… distracted.”

“Well, my student was pretty distracting.”

“Was he?”

“Hmm.”

They were giggling now, letting their fingers brush over each others well-known bodies, feeling safe in this shared space. Just being, together, in a shared space.

“He got better when we invented a reward system” Michael teased, waiting for the moment Alex’s cheeks would turn red at the memory.

Instead, Michael was the one who ended up blushing.

“The punishments helped too.” Alex smirked at him.

“You mean your punishment when you almost totalled my beloved truck and...”

“I didn’t...”

“Oh, you did! Since that day there is a strict policy of no Manes brothers touching my truck” Michael continues as Alex giggles at that. “Seriously, I teached Jess in Flint’s chevy. Which, in hindsight, was a really good call. What he did to that bumper...”

Alex broke into a full-on laughter at that. The sounds filling the air, creating a warm embrace around them. Their world stopped for a second, as Alex lowered his head, letting it rest on Michael’s shoulder, still laughing. It is like sucking in a deep breath in the freezing cold winter air. Your lungs are burning, the fire of it travelling through your whole body. It hurts. You don’t let go, you keep it right inside of you, to afraid the moment would pass if you’d move.

But Michael can move, he can let his fingers trail up over Alex’s spine, play with his hair and even press a soft kiss to his forehead. And Alex stays. He doesn’t vanish. He doesn’t vanish into the freezing cold winter air.

As their eyes meet there is an undeniable truth in them. Suddenly, it’s so quiet around them.

“You watched out of him.” Alex mouths.

“He’s your little brother.”

“Thank you, Michael” he says truthfully. Alex can see Michael fighting back tears, his head hanging low now, his eyes looking at the mess they made of the bed as a distraction.

When he turns back to look at Alex, he looks so young, so innocent.

“I just want you to spent some time with your little brother.”

“I don’t know how. I can’t even look him in the eye.” Alex sighs. “I left him.”he confesses with deep regret in his voice.

“You protected him.”

“That’s not what he remembers. I left him and he hates me for it. He should.”

“He doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t hate you, Lex, he just doesn’t remember you. Everything he knows about you is what your brothers told him about you. You and I can change that.”

When Alex doesn’t reply Michael continues “Nothing stops you from telling him.”

A smile appears on Alex’s lips, washing away all the sorrows. “You totally planned this, didn’t you?” he chuckles.

Michael takes the chance to make Alex laugh another time. Heknows he’s never going to get sick of that sound of Alex laughing.“Of course I did.” he replies. “Although, Lindsay fucked up with the timing. I did not plan on them walking in on us like that, I was going to make you look presentable first.” 

“You don’t say.” Alex replies grinning at him.

“He’s going to love you, Lex” Michael says sincere, placing a kiss on his cheek.

Lindsay sees them first as they make their way over to the truck.“Finally! Guerin, what the fuck?, we’re starving over here!”

Michael sighs, he makes sure to stay close to Alex, who was currently second-guessing the whole idea. Probably for the xth time. Michael’s voice reveals the deep appreciation he holds for the teenager. “Lindsay, you really have to work on your attitude” 

As his gaze shifts to Jess, leaning against the truck. Jess looks way too similar to a boy he once knew, with a look of doubt and precaution carved into his face. 

Michael looks directly at him as he strikes past him. “Get in, girls” (You can run) “Or no burgers for you” (But you can’t hide). 

As Michael starts the engine, Jess and Lindsay are settled on the back seat while Alex sits next to him on the passenger seat. By the time the truck leaves the farm, Lindsay has told Alex all about her deep appreciation for good music, especially during a drive. As she urges a very overwhelmed Alex to hand her the cable to connect her phone to the speakers, telling him about the wonder it is that she is actually able to do that, due to the age of the truck, Michael decided to intervene. 

He warns Lindsay, not to disrespect his truck and Alex, not to touch anything, not even the cable. He has a track record, Michael explains to a very confused Lindsay with a wide grin. Lastly, he shoots Jess a look through the rear-view mirror, telling him to behave, before he focuses back on the road.

When they are halfway through town, Lindsay has already sang two songs by herself, threatening all three of them as they wouldn‘t join in. As she starts another round of insults, leaving Alex slightly traumatized, Michael could only offer him a simple “That’s Lindsay”.

Eventually, Michael is able to stop Lindsay's rambling as he states, that Alex, in fact, sings.

Considering Alex is an Air Force Captain, it really isn’t that to hard to persuade him into singing something. Michael sees the exact moment he caves, as he smiles at him, pleading, the corners of Alex’s lips twitch just a little and he throws his head back into the seat.

Michael is smiling wide at Alex, Lindsay is squealing on the back seat, Jess raises his eyebrows and Alex, Alex is doomed as the next song comes on.

I found a love for me  
Darling, just dive right in  
And follow my lead  
Well, I found a boy, beautiful and sweet  
I always knew you were the someone waiting for me  
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love  
Not knowing what it was  
I will not give you up this time  
Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own  
And in your eyes, you're holding mine

As Alex sings, he slowly reaches for Michael‘ s hand, letting his thumb run over the soft skin.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song  
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath  
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

When he reaches the last line, Alex looks at Michael, more than a little subtle, making sure he understands. 

Lindsay, who’s been speechless at Alex’s voice since he started singing, finds her voice again and takes over.

Well, I found a boy, stronger than anyone I know  
He shares my dreams, I hope that someday we‘ll share a home  
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets  
To carry love, to carry children of our own

Lindsay sings looking directly at Jess, letting him wrap his arms around her as she continues singing.

We are still kids, but we're so in love  
Fightin' against all odds  
I know we'll be alright this time  
Darling, just hold my hand  
Be my girl, I'll be your man  
I see my future in your eyes

Alex joins back in, and their united voices sing the next part.  
Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song  
When I saw you here tonight, looking so beautiful  
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song  
I have faith in what I see  
Now I know I have met an angel in person  
And he looks perfect  
No, I don't deserve this  
You look perfect tonight

The song ends and Michael takes his hand from Alex’s to rest it on his thigh, squeezing tightly. He is beaming.

Lindsay rests her head on Jess’s shoulder, stroking his arm lightly. 

Both are holding on to their Manes brother.

As the four of them cross the street, Lindsay engages Alex in conversation.

“Your voice is amazing, you know?”

“Thank you, you too. You have a high variety in your voice, you can take high and low notes easily, it’s impressive.”

“Thank you, I’ve been working on that actually. I want to apply to juilliard next year so I’ve been going over my skills with my teacher.”

“Yes, Juilliard has an impressive singing department. So do a lot of other schools actually, depending what you’d want to minor in you might want to take another look. I know that the guitar department is basically a disaster, Curtis Institute for example has a really good singing department and an impressice guitar department.”

“How do you know so much about it?” Lindsay responds with a smirk and raised eyebrows.

“When I was seventeen all I wanted to do was play music...” Alex starts when Jess cuts in.

“When you were eighteen you enlisted.”

Alex shoulders tense at the statement. It was true, of course, but how could he explain it to a kid? How could he explain that all of his dreams and visions for the future shattered in one night?

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to. Michael strucks forward, taking Jess by the shoulders with a harsh grip, pulling him forward with him. “We having fun, buddy?”

Lindsay is quick to not let it become an awkward pause. “So, anyway, we’re going to this diner, it’s called the Crashdown” 

Michael turns around at her statement, still holding Jess tightly, making sure he doesn’t step out of line again, except there is grin at his face, once again. “Lindsay...”

“The food is amazing and the owner is adorable.”

“Lindsay...”

“It’s where everyone is hanging out, like our friends and stuff, Guerin is allowed, too, when he comes with us.”

Alex chuckles at Michael’s attempt to interrupt Lindsay. “You know that I grew up here, right?”

“Sorry?” Lindsay asks confused.

Michael takes his chance and speaks up. “You don’t need to recite the fucking menu for the guy, the Crashdown was already cool in our time.”

“Really?” Jess asks suddenly, the statement enough to get him out of his shell

“How old do you think we are?” Alex asks leaving the group in laughter. 

They enter the Crashdown, and Arturo spots Michael immediately (He is really hard to miss with his cowboy hat), raising an eyebrow at him the first moment, but shushing him away the next (it is a busy night after all).

“Eres feliz? que pasa? The Three of you as always? Take the table in the corner. Rosa will bring you your usual.”

“Hello to you, too Arturo” Michael responds kindly. “Ehm...four actually”.

Then, as Arturos looks at them again, Michael already stepped out of the way so Arturo’s gaze lands at Alex’s form immediately.

“Dios mio...” Arturo stares at Alex. He stares at his face, then his upper body, the length of his body, swiping his gaze up and down, then his face again, he crooks his noise at Alex’s hair, and stops as he takes another look at the face.

“Come here, hijo” And just like that Alex is hugging the small man, getting hold tightly by strong arms that show no intend of letting him go anytime soon.

“That’s what happens if you disappear for ten years...” “I’m sor...” “and don’t even say goodbye, I almost didn’t recognize you. You look like the green man, the…, the…”

“Hulk” Michael helps out.

“Yes, like the hulk. You grew up good, eh? Military makes sure of that.” “Yes, they do.” 

Eventually, he let’s Alex out of his arms, but keeps his hands on his shoulders to keep him around just a little longer, taking another look at the grown man he has become.

“You look different, without the black and your ring and the guyliner” He emphasizes the last word, so proud of himself that he still knows the term Alex was so eager to teach him when he was seventeen. It gets more than a little chuckle out of Alex. 

Lindsay, leaning into Michael’s space raises a questioning eyebrow at the newly shared information. “Full-on emo phase in high school” Michael replies. “It was fucking hot” he continues with a suggesting grin.

“Come on. kids.” Arturo says as he gestures for them to follow him. “You’re sitting by the window, the good table.” 

He swipes the perfectly clean table down another time before he demands for them to finally sit down, telling them the usual will be here soon as well as more than a few new milkshake options Alex has to try. Before Arturo goes back to work, he grabbs Michael by the shoulder whispering into his ear. 

“Looks like your Lexie finally came back, huh?”

Michael smiles at the older man softly, he always had a deep appreciation for him, mostly because he knows what he means to Alex. 

“I guess he did.” Michael replies swallowing down the bitter taste as he remembers what was waiting for him on Monday, before he sits down next to Alex.

Over burgers and way too many milkshakes there are stories shared of Arturo and the Crashdown, of music, of the annoying older manes brothers, of fries dipped in milkshakes and the farm. Somewhere, halfway through the evening Michael believes he sees two brothers chattering and laughing like it was a usual saturday night. 

By the time the Crashdown closes, the group makes their way back to the truck. Lindsay with Jess’s arming hanging around her shoulders and Michael with Alex’s hand gripping his side, pulling him close.

By the time they are halfway through town, both Jess and Lindsay have fallen asleep. Michael’s free hand is resting on Alex’s thigh once again. “He is exactly like you” he says. “The only difference between the two of you is that he is straight, and you are gay” Michael swallows. “And in this town, in this family, that changes everything.” Alex is looking at the wide fields they are passing now, the fields he hasn’t seen or felt in so long. In ten years, to be exact. “If you wanted, you could tell him, Lex”

By the time they crossed the farm’s welcoming sign, Alex made a decision. When they get out of the truck, everyone woken up by Michael’s unsubtle way to swear at the potholes, Alex stops next to Jess. “You wanna go talk somewhere?” he asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> As Always, let me know what you think. I would love love love your feedback. Right now, I am actually optimistic that I will finish the next chapter in one or two days, but considering how Long it took me to upload this one I am not going to make any promises. But, I do actually have this story and the chapters all planned out, I only have to write it now. And I am still, highly dedicated to this, so for anyone who is still interested, there's coming more!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	10. Would you Rescue me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ FIRST
> 
> So none of you get confused: this chapter takes place sunday morning, the previous one was saturday night. Between this, there is a conversation between Alex and Jess in which Alex explains to him why he left. The chapter after this one will jump back to saturday night and consist of the conversation. Why do I do this? I have no idea, I guess tension?
> 
> Okay, that's it. Enjoy reading!

Alex and Hunter

\- - - 

Alex is twelve. An echo of their father’s shouts still lingered in the air. 

“You ruin everything! Why do you always have to ruin everything for us? No wonder Dad hates you, I hate you too!” Hunter screamed with a high chin and protruding eyes, his nostrils moving up and down as his breathing didn’t slow down. 

He looked devastated as all his plans and promises for the rest of the summer were crushed. The aftermath of the building of the tree house has led his father to decide to have all his sons grounded for the rest of the summer. Boys have to learn to behave. To obey. They can’t run around like children, at least not in this family. 

Now, Hunter looked frustrated. Not with his Father, not with Flint, not with the Valentis. He was frustrated with his little brother, sitting in the corner of his room making himself as small as possible trying not to start crying again. His little brother, alternating between holding a wet cloth to his eye and nose. 

Hunter gave him a final glare before he left the room slamming the door shut behind him.

\- - - 

“You’re the one who turned on this family! You left. You left and in ten years you never looked back!” Hunter snaps at his younger brother, his chin high in the air, a gesture Alex knows too well. “You left. Just like Mom did.”

“Are you kidding me right now? Drop the big brother act...”

“You left!”

“Did you expect me to stay?”

A moment of silence passes between both brothers as they stare at each other intensely. 

In the four of them, Hunter and Alex had always looked the most similar. In their time in school, they were confused by teachers on a regular basis, at least until Alex started to rebel. Now, they don’t resemble each other at all.

“You never came back!”

“You never asked me to.” Alex shot back and swallowed hard. “You never came looking for me, no phone call or text. How would I have even known I was welcome at home?” His eyes moved from his brothers face to the floor, scanning it again and again. “I left, but you let me. You forgot about me.”

\- - - 

Alex was six.

“It’s not your fault, Junior. He just wants you to do better. Hunter rested his hand on Alex’s shoulders, trying to comfort his little brother. “But you’re already pretty great, so don’t worry about it, okay?” His father’s reaction to his maths test has left Alex gulping down breaths to stay quiet, even as he was already gone. “Flint and I are always going to have your back, okay?”

\- - - 

Michael and Jess 

Jess is twelve.

“I stood there like an idiot! I wanted to ask her out but she looked so beautiful and I just stood there and couldn’t stop talking about this show I was obsessed with as a kid. I bet she thought I was disturbed or something.”

“What she doesn’t like alien cowboys?” Michael asks with a smut grin, taking another sip of his beer. 

“How do you know it’s about alien cowboys?” Jess asks, seemingly perplexed. He never told this anyone. 

Michael just shruggs. 

“So what are you going to do about it?” he finally asks. 

“I guess try again tomorrow?”

“That’s what I wanna hear. Your Lindsay’s a lucky girl.”

They are quiet for some time, starring into the night. The stars are so bright tonight it remembers Michael of eyes he used to look at, for hours and hours. He is pulled out of his thoughts as Jess starts to whine again. 

“Do you think she thinks I am disturbing?”

“The only disturbing thing is that you’re coming with this to me. Kind of bad at relationships.”

“I noticed” Jess says with a laugh, getting shoved playfully by Michael for it. “You’re kind of my best friend, do you know that?

Yes, he knows that. He remembers peanut butter toast, crust cut off, slid into four triangles and a drawing in his wallet. He remembers everything.

Instead of answering he takes another sip of his beer. It’s the only thing that can ease the pain just a little these days.

\- - -

“So, you love him? You’ve loved him since…?”

“You’re slow, kid, anyone ever tell you that?” Michael smiles and shoves Jess playfully.

Something settles in his chest, a weird feeling of peace. He never thought the effect of just owning up to it would be that grave. Maybe, maybe it’s just to have it known. To have known that he loves. To have known that he is loved.

\- - -

Alex and Michael

Soft guitar sounds hang in the air when Alex starts strumming. He’s playing this one emo song, the one he likes so much, they even played it together before but Michael can never remember the name. 

Michael just listens and lets his naked body fall against Alex’s back, holding him tightly from behind. His head is buried instantly in Alex’s hair, a gesture that lets Alex chuckle sweetly. 

The guitar guides both if them into their dreams. Plans of a joined future are being made. They keep one dreaming, dreaming and hoping, the walls of their barn shielding them from the rest of the world.

\- - - 

Hunter and Jess

Jess is ten when Hunter orders him to choose something different.

“But I...”

“Choose someth...”

“I WANT TO LEARN THE GUITAR”

“You’re better than that, JJ!” I need you to be better, he thinks, pushing away the past memories this fight brings back. “Choose something different.”

“How about the violin?” Flint suggests, trying to find a compromise, as always.

\- - -

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Jess snaps, tears running down his cheeks.

“Nothing to do with you, kid”

“It has everything to do with me! It’s my fault in the first place!”

Now, Hunter finally turns around to look at him, the cold expression that was just there seconds ago left his face, replaced with rage. “He tell you that?” 

“Didn’t have to, I can put the pieces together myself.” Jess swallows hard. “You should have me the truth! I deserve to know the truth!”

“You wanna hear some truth? You should be thankful Dad hated Alex so much, because you wouldn’t exist otherwise.” Jess’s looks at his older brother blankly, while Hunter smiles wickedly. “What you think they just felt like having another kid after 10 years? You thought you were a mistake?” Hunter’s laughs fill the room and Jess shivers. “You were no mistake, Jess!” 

Hunter steps closer towards Jess with every word, looking at him intensely, making sure the younger one understands every word he says. Really understands. 

“Manes Junior wasn’t good enough for Dad. So, he had another son. A fucking replacement for his faggot son. And this new one, he called him after himself. Jesse Junior. And he made sure, he became just like him.”

\- - -

Alex and Michael and Jess

Michael is seventeen.

It’s a saturday. It’s 7 am. One car leaves the farm. Two cars. Three cars. Coast is clear.

Michael makes his way towards the big old house. Even though there’s no need to sneak around scared to be caught, being inside still makes him shiver. He’s never been inside, But, well, they never had the house to themselves before. With everyone gone, helping with the fair the town is having tonight, Alex urged him to come inside. 

So, he did. He wasn’t going to say no to a nice breakfast with his boyfriend. What he didn’t expect, though, was a seven year old kid sitting at the kitchen counter, whining at how long it took Alex to him something to eat. 

What he expected even less, was having to answer to said kid who he was and what he was doing in their kitchen.

“Ughh...I...ehm...”

“Michael is a friend, I asked him if he wanted to come for breakfast.” Alex explained to the kid, then turning around looking at Michael apologetic. “Sorry, I forgot to text you. JJ isn’t feeling so well so he had to stay home.”

“PUKE” the little one yelled suddenly, beaming as if he’d just said the most useful thing.

Alex and Michael both had to laugh at that. “Several times, actually.” Alex responded.  
“I get it if you don’t want to...”

“No, no I don’t mind. If it’s okay...”

“Of course! I mean, it’s just JJ.” No danger from JJ. Can’t say the same about the rest of them, Alex thinks.

“Cool...” Michael answers, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and out of place in the big, nice kitchen, but Alex just gestures him to sit down next to JJ. He places a plate in front of either one. Peanut butter toast, crust cut off, split into four triangles. Michael can’t remember the last time someone’s made him breakfast. He’s almost pretty certain no one’s ever done that. 

Before he knows it, Alex sits down next to him and JJ starts blapping about his favorite show explaining Michael the challenges the alien cowboys encounter in detail. When they are done eating, Michael watches with awe how loving Alex acts towards his younger brother. After their second round of hot chocolate (because JJ wants hot chocolates and he is sick and Alex really can’t say no to him) and they settle in the living room and JJ starts drawing his favorite character. 

When the drawing is finished, he gifts it to Michael, his new best friend as he proclaimed earlier. Michael holds onto it, not letting go. Holding on to that unfamiliar feeling that’s growing in his chest. He thinks he likes it. 

\- - - 

Alex and Flint

Alex is ten. He looks pleading at his older brother, wishing, hoping he will interfere. He knows Flint doesn’t like to get involved, he barely does, but maybe… maybe… this time he could tell Hunter off. 

Alex doesn’t like Hunter anymore, he always has an opinion on what Alex has to do, how he has to behave. Always tells him to be better. Flint is at least nice to him when nobody else is around. Sometimes he even plays with him. 

“You heard what he said” Flint says absently.

Alex decides, he doesn’t like Flint anymore either.

\- - - 

Alex is seventeen.

It’s way past his curfew. He knows he should’ve snuck back in way earlier, but Michael had been too perfect. Alex was inside of him for the first time tonight, he came hard with Michael around him, so tight and hot and wet and perfect. He wouldn’t dare to leave his side until he absolutely had to, he just held him in his arm enjoying just being with the other boy.

Now, he had to snuck back in. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem since he knew the back door didn’t respond to the alarm his father installed years ago (it was a shame he only learned that a few months ago). All he had to do is get up the stairs, dodge the steps that creak and get past Hunter’s room. It was manageable. 

At least he thought so before a dark shadow appeared behind him coming closer and closer (scaring the living shit out if him) until he could indentify the shadow as his brother Flint. Out past curfew.

Alex really wasn’t in the mood to chat with him, he barely was these days, but Flint seemed to object as he started to tell Alex eagerly (and very graphic) how Sarah Rutherford let him finger her tonight. 

Alex knew Flint wouldn’t have looked at him twice if someone was around, and he really doesn’t care anymore (except he does), but he knew this would only drag out if he didn’t play along so he decided to just go with it. Pretend as if this was super normal. 

“Isn’t her father like super religious?”

“Well, she sure had some strong words for Jesus.” Flint says proudly with a moronic grin. 

“What were you doing out so late?”

“Nothing”

“I told you about mine, you have to tell me now. Come on what are you so smug about?”

“It’s none of your business!” Alex exclaimed.

When Flint reached the top of the stairs he started grinning like an idiot.“What your boyfriend don’t want you talking to your big brother about what your doing?” he asked Alex. 

Fuck. Did he know about Michael? About where he was staying? He had to warn him. How did he find out? A thousand thoughts crossed his mind until he realized he was just standing there breathing rapidly with wide, shocked eyes. 

Flint realizes as well. And starts laughing.

“Fuck, you have a boyfriend! I was just messing with you, fuck! Dude, you have to work on your poker face. You gonna tell me who it is?”

Alex, still in complete shocked, is saved as they hear movement in Hunter’s rooms, making both of them freeze. After a few minutes when they don’t hear anything else they start moving again.  
When they reach their rooms, Alex turns to Flint another time. “You can’t tell Hunter.” 

Alex knows Flint would never tell his father. He doubt even Hunter would tell him, but he still couldn’t have him know. If Hunter ever found out there was something, he wouldn’t stop digging. And Alex can’t have anyone set foot in the old barn out by the birch trees. 

The thing is, as much as his brothers wouldn’t confide in his father, they would confide in each other. Hunter and Flint were a done deal. Alex is even surprised Flint was out on his own today, he always just sees him shadowing Hunter. He doesn’t seem to mind either. 

“I’m not that big of an asshole, Junior” Flint whispers, feeling the need to assure his little brother further as he looks back at him with fearful eyes. “Geez, can you imagine Hunter? He’d be interrogating you until he knew every detail. I am not ready for that.” he says with a smirk and a fake salute as he makes his way into his room. “And Junior?”

“Hm?”

“Good job.” 

\- - - 

“You’re just Hunter’s little lap dog!”

“Is that really how little you think of me?” a painful expression settles on Flint’s face. “Did it ever occur to you that I was hurting too?” That I am still hurting, he thinks. “Jess is not the only one who lost a brother that night!”

Alex stays silent, determined not to let tears running down his face. He is a soldier after all.

“You could’ve stayed, you know?” Flint tries, he really does. Too late, about ten years too late, but he tries. “Why didn’t you stay? For him? With him?”

“I would’ve destroyed him.”

“I bet he’d be into that.” he jokes. It’s a terrible attempt to lighten the mood. A really really terrible one. But it kind of works. Both brothers are smirking.

\- - - 

Flint and Jess

“You see everything. You know everything. You never say anything. Jess exhales loudly, trying to keep himself calm. Calm enough to do this. “You just keep your mouth shut and let everyone else around you suffer. He could’ve died. And you know what? It’s your fucking fault as much as it is Hunter’s!”

\- - - 

Hunter and Flint

Jess is ten, tears still running down his cheeks from the past fight as he overhears his older two brothers.

“Just let him play the fucking guitar.”

“I can’t”

“You have to stop trying to control everyone. It’s not going to protect anyone! It didn’t work with him and it won’t work with Jess! It wasn’t your fucking fault, Hunter! He wasn’t your fault!” Hunter knew they weren’t talking about Jess anymore, instead drifting into a topic they spent years trying to forget. Trying not to suffocate under the weight that was sitting on their shoulders. “Just let him play the fucking guitar” Flint pleaded.

“I can’t.” Hunter says. He has to be better. He has to be.

\- - - 

Alex and Michael

Alex is seventeen. 

He is standing on the bed of hay he and Michael put together, dressed in nothing but a guitar. He is singing to Michael, who is still lying flat on the bed, exhausted, enjoying the show. His hands run up and down Alex’s ankles, aching to feel him, but not being able to move otherwise. To be fair, Alex did wear him out. 

One song, two songs, three songs pass and Michael’s face hurts from smiling. He is so in love with this boy. Still aching to feel him near, he pulls him down and puts the guitar away before he turns them around to straddle Alex. Holding him close, feeling every single part of Alex Manes underneath him. 

As Alex looks up to him, Michael swears he can see stars in his eyes. Suddenly he can move again as he has the urge to be inside of Alex again, now. Alex doesn’t object, more to the contrary. 

5 minutes later the barn door opens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> There are a lot of references in this chapter, between the different conversations but also the previous flashbacks in the first chapter. I hope you understood everything, feel free to ask if something's on your mind. I actually really like how this chapter turned out, I would love to hear what you have to say. Comments make me smile;))
> 
> On this note, I am curious who do you prefer? Hunter or Flint?
> 
> Again, thank you so so much for reading!
> 
> For anyone who wants to see more about the last scene, here's a little something I made a while ago. (not the best work but I still think it's cute)
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CBMFaI-Hpe7/?igshid=f7pkczms2wn3


	11. Father and Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place BEFORE the last chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
> (Title: Father and Son - Yusuf / Cat Stevens)

“Why did you leave?”

Alex never thought one single question could throw him for a loop like that. How was he supposed to explain it to someone, his baby brother nonetheless. Where would he even start? 

“What happened?” Jess tries. He looks so frightened right now, visibly scared of what would come out of his mouth next. His eyes fixed on Alex’s face not daring to look away, no matter the pain. Jess reminded him of himself ten years ago, and every single private he ever met since then. 

Jess reminded him of Bobby, looking up to him before his very first mission. Alex remembers telling him no one ever dies on their first mission, but Bobby did. He was just nineteen. His ghost still follows him around in his dreams. 

He didn’t like the look on his brother.

“You really don’t remember?” Alex starts.

“Should I?”

“You were there.” 

Jess’s eyes are no longer on Alex’s face, instead they are scanning the floor, looking for something, anything. By the look on his face he doesn’t find anything. “No, I really don’t remember.”

“Okay.” and Alex’s soldier mode kicks in.

“It was one week from my eighteen’s birthday. Things at home were bad. Michael was staying in the old barn, the last one out by the birch trees. We were… a thing at the time”

“Yeah, no shit. Kinda picked up on that one” Jess laughs.

Alex’s face goes blank. He doesn’t get laughed at when he’s talking. Captain’s don’t get laughed at when they’re talking. But, well… it’s JJ. Jess, he corrects himself. If someone was going to be allowed to laugh at him it was Jess.

“Sor… I’m going to just let you… fuck, sorry…”

Doesn’t mean he has to be easy on the kid, he tells himself. He can always have a little fun, but no Air Force training prepared him for this and a smile finds itself on the corners of Alex’s lips sooner than he expected. 

“Anyway...” he says, trying to steady his voice. “He was staying in his truck before that and I offered him to stay at the barn. It was warm and no one used it, seemed logical.” He already said that, didn’t he? Well, this was going splendid. 

“Anyway...” he says, trying to steady his voice another time. “It was in the evening, I was in the barn with him and we were...intimate” Alex says with a crackling voice, attempting to keep talking and let that fact be forgotten when Jess interrupts him with, yet another laugh. 

“I’ve seen you in various sexual scenarios by now, you can just say you were fucking.” 

“Jesus, Jess!” Who raised this kid, he asks himself before he has to laugh himself as well. His cheeks turn slightly red and he longs to turn away to hide this ‘vulnerability’, as the Air force has taught him. He doesn’t turn away, but can’t resist to run his hand through his hair, a subtle move that would allow him to lose eye second for a second. Just a second, though.

“Um...well, yes we were, um… that, until the barn door opened.”

“Oh”

“Yeah, oh.” 

“My father stood in the frame and you appeared behind him.”

“I guess he didn’t take it too well?” Jess says, trying to play it off with some smugness

No, he certainly didn’t. Even though, Alex can’t remember everything from that night, the look on his father’s face when he realizes what they were doing was something he couldn’t shake on his best days, let alone the worse. Jesse Manes clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. He just stood there, steam practically coming out of his ears. Yet, somehow, he barely looked angry. No, Jesse Manes just looked sick. Disgusted of the sight of his son with another boy. 

He really didn’t take it too well. 

What happened after this is a blur. There are memories, most of the horrendous things Jesse Manes did, but Alex can’t remember how it started. One minute he is staring into his father’s face, the next everyone is screaming and bleeding. 

“He choked me. Michael intervened. He broke his hand with a hammer. You screamed. My father put a gun to Michael’s head, telling him to leave. He took you with him.” Alex says with one breath. 

“He left you?” Jess asks, not believing what he just heard.

“He saved his own life! I told him to, I gestured for him to go. Thank god he made it out!” Alex corrects him, his voice shaking under the painful memory and the various scenarios he imagined of what could have happened that day if Michael didn’t make it out. “And thank god, he took you with him.” JJ was never supposed to be between the fronts. JJ was to be protected at all costs, Michael knew that. 

“The last memory I have is Michael, with you in his arms and a bleeding hand, opening the barn door to see Hunter and Flint standing outside.” 

They just stood there, heard every punch and every scream. They heard every silent tear. Yet, they still stood there when Michael ran past them and still stood there when Jesse Manes continued disciplining his younger son.

Moonlight shined on their faces as they stood in front of the barn and watched. They were still so young, except they weren’t that young any more. Shouldn’t they have known better? Shouldn’t they have done something? Shouldn’t they have rescued their younger brother?

With every dull blow to the brother’s body their insecurity rose. Still, when Flint’s face was no longer painted in the light of the moon as he turned to look up at his older brother in agony, he got nothing but his brother shaking his head firm. 

So they walked away. They looked away.

As they fell asleep that night, not 500 yards away from their beds their younger brother’s naked body layed, bruised and bleeding, in the dirt. Left to fend for himself. 

“I passed out after some time, woke up hours later to Flint rinsing me clean with the garden hose. Couldn’t move though, so I just kept laying there.”

A gone body laying in the dry dirt. Little by little the dirt wasn’t so dry any more, instead little tiny rivers of red water spread around the gone body. Still gone, but at least it wasn’t so red any more.   
Brothers take care of each other.

“Some time after that, Jim Valenti put me in his car and brought me to the hospital. He used to be friends with my father and stitched me up before. I don’t know how he knew. I had a punctured lung and internal bleeding due to several broken ribs. A broken collarbone, a broken cheekbone. My shoulder was dislocated and I had a concussion. I survived, but...”

“You weren’t supposed to” Jess finishes. He finds the bitter taste of truth in his mouth, but swallows down hard to not let himself break.

“No” No, he wasn’t supposed to survive. A father doesn’t break his son’s bones and leaves him in the dirt if he wants him to survive. 

To Alex, it feels like years before Jess says something. Years of cold confessions and petty proclamations and miles and miles of silence.

“I can’t believe nobody told me what he did” he mumbles to himself. 

“I think..., I think that everyone just wanted to keep you out of it. To spare you the pain.”

“He was my father, too” 

“No.” Alex argues. “My father and your father are nothing alike. You had a father, Jess. I had a war. One I couldn’t win.” he confesses “And I was sick of it.”

The look on Jess’s face confirms what Alex already thinks he’s going to say next. It’s a look of allegation and charge.

“So you enlisted.”

“So I enlisted.” he replies softly.

A comfortable silence settles between the brothers. They are so alike, yet it seems as if they couldn’t be further apart. Ten years were robbed from them. Ten years with all the weight of a century. 

But if nothing else, at least it gave them nerve for boldness and honesty.

“What’s war like?” Jess breathes.

Alex just breathes for a long minute and prepares what he is going to respond to that. “I don’t know, every tour is different, you know?” he answers before shifting his weight slightly, preparing himself for his own longer answer, a longer truth. “When I enlisted it was everything I was looking for. Whereas in Roswell nothing ever changes, at war everything is always changing. Every minute, every second… every bullet something changes. I was a good soldier, I had purpose and I loved it.”

“And now?”

“This tour, I don’t know… it feels longer? We lost a lot of good men early on and it doesn’t seem to stop. It’s messy, yeah...it’s messy this time.”

Jess seems surprised, but utterly pleased with his answer. He didn’t expect to be given that much.

“You went to war and Dad hang himself in that barn nine years later.” he concludes.

Alex can’t help but to laugh at that. He didn’t miss the irony of what had happened in his home town the first time he heard about it. “It was a surprise to be honest.”

Jess doesn’t laugh with him, but there’s no hostility either. They had a different father, at last.

“Do you ever think of coming home?” he cried out.

“This isn’t home any more, Jess.”

“Michael could be. You look at each other like you were supposed to end up together. You look at each other with what ifs and could haves. You could stay for him.”

Alex deflects these thoughts.“I still have six more months until my enlistment period ends.” He needs an out. He needs the easy way out, because he isn’t sure if he could handle anything else. He’s not sure if he could handle what ifs and could haves.

“Then, you could come back for him.” the younger brother adds.

“Jess...”

“...or for me?” 

“I don’t even know if I make it six more months!” Alex snaps, and regrets it immediately. But he feels so tired right now. The truth was never easy on him. “Thank you for tonight, Jess. I had a really good time.” he says truthfully, but he can see that his little brother won’t be defeated this easily.

“When are you leaving on Monday?” Jess replies, giving no mind to his brother’s statement, yet feeling the weight of it heavily on his shoulders.

“Early in the morning”

It’s still Saturday. They still got tomorrow. They still got one more day to convince their brother to come home.

He still has one more day to convince his brother to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This chapter is on the shorter side, but since Jess finally learns the truth here, I felt like they needed a longer conversation as it's own chapter. 
> 
> Next chapter is going to have some more plot (and some fluff, I promise)


	12. Bullet with butterfly wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't remember the "brother-contract", please read chapter 1 again. Even if you do, it might be more fun this way because there will be a lot of paralels.  
> I reaally hope you like this chapter, and in case you haven't noticed yet, after this one there are only two more!!! EXCITED!! 
> 
> (title: Bullet with butterfly wings- tribe society)

Bullet with butterfly wings

Alex places two mugs of green tea in front of Maggie as he joins her on the front porch, next to the lantern that was supposed to guide him home. It sure did it’s job.

Maggie observes him quietly and he can practically see her holding back, holding back a snarky comment or a lecture about the morning they had.

It has been one hell of a morning full of revelations between the brothers. 

Alex can see the tolls the screaming and shouting has on Maggie, she was always one to prevent battles. But Alex, between getting screamed at by Hunter and screaming back at Flint and everything that happened between that, he was sure, that Maggie on the other side of the table, takes notice of his relieved shoulders. All because it really isn’t a secret any more that there will be a blowout between the brothers and Alex was just waiting for it to happen. Now that it’s over, he can finally take that breath he didn’t realizing he was holding. Alex is relieved.

Now, in the aftermath of the storm the tea is sweeter, the chair is more comfortable and the air clearer. Now, it feels like being home. 

What a messed up family it takes to make someone feel home by screaming at each other. Then, the Manes household was never on to be quiet, at least not back when Alex was still living here. Who knows what changed in all that time. 

Alex watches Maggie taking a sip of her tea waiting for her to ask him the question that was on the tip of her tongue since he sat down. When Maggie puts her mug back down and her eyes linger over the long green fields, Alex understands she won’t ask. Maggie won’t ask the question, yet, Alex has to answer.

“Yesterday, with Jess and Michael and Lindsay…, yes, yesterday, I could see it. A future in this place. Today..., kind of longing for a bullet to knock me out, to be honest.” Alex says with a snort

“You’re used to bullets by now, you’ve been a survivor you whole life.”

And that is the thing about him, he keeps on surviving. With bullet holes in his lungs and knife marks etched in his back. A survivor, not by choice, but a soldier at heart.

“You have to forgive them” Maggie whispers with a genuine smile as she puts her hand on his arm.

“Some things can’t be forgiven” 

“Could you forgive me?” she dares to ask. “If I had heard every muffled scream and every silent tear, if I had found every used bandage and bloody shirt, if I had seen it all that night, if my late husband did.” a single tear falls down her cheek as she continues “Could you forgive me?”

Suddenly, all at once, a realization hit Alex. 

“I lived, everyday ever since you were born, with you in this house. I’m Maggie…, I know everything.”   
\- - - 

Alex makes his way across the farm to Michael’s barn quickly, desperate to tell the other man what new knowledge he had just learned. Michael is inside when he finds him, looking for something in his drawers but forgetting about it instantly when he sees Alex’s tortured face. 

Alex closes the distance between them while he lays his hands on Michael’s shoulders and rests his head against his chest before he starts babbling. “Maggie… I just talked to…and...um...she knew… Maggie I mean… she… she just…She knew”

“What do you - ?”

“She knew everything!” Alex exclaims and Michael almost feels guilty for not knowing what he was talking about sooner. 

“She knew everything, and she didn’t… didn’t...”

There really was nothing Michael could say that would make any of this better, nothing he could say to comfort the man he loves so deeply. Instead, he decides to do what they were always doing. He lets his body speak. 

When Alex raises his head searching for Michael’s eyes, Michael takes his chance and leans into him and Alex meets his eager lips with a long, lingering kiss. There’s no heat in it, yet, it is was on the most passionate kisses they ever shared filled with comfort and heartbreak and adoration and the salty taste of tears leaving both their eyes. 

They have to pull back to catch a breath, before Michael leaves a trail of soft, fleeting kisses on Alex’s cheeks and only then uses his fingers to kindly wipe his teary eyes. Alex reciprocates the gesture by humming quietly against Michael’s jaw and neck. 

Wrapped in each other’s bodies they find comfort in another, humming together while caressing the other. It feels like hours, just standing there while long, steady strokes find their ways to both men’s back. Silently processing together how the dark shadow of their childhood, of their daily life, of their once new love just become impossibly darker. How their last friend, their trusted person and source of brightness, the person that was most of a mother to the both of them, betrayed them the worst.

There were no words between them, because they don’t need them. No words could explain this kind of heartbreak anyway. Silence fills the barn as the two men refuse to let go of each other and an exclamation mark is hiding in the corner. Silence, but joined silence. Together. They do this together. 

They are buried so deep in their own thoughts they pay no attention to the barn door that slides open, instead, they startle at Flint’s voice.

“We come in peace!” he explains before Hunter interrupts him. “Can we borrow you for a second?”

Maybe it’s the fact that Hunter’s voice is pleading instead of demanding that convince him or just the fact that this day has been long and painful enough and he really isn’t in the mood for another argument, but Alex sighs and prepares himself for the loss of Michael’s body heat. He lets go unwillingly and walks over to his older brothers before Hunter speaks again, and does something that surprises Alex another time. “You too, Michael”.

Four complicated brothers make their way across the little farm that is painted in a warm red as the sun sets. They follow the path the oldest one takes, guiding them to the endless fields of their home. 

Alex doesn‘t push down the memories of the last time he walked down this path under the moonlight, shielded by both his older brothers next to him. He wants to remember. He needs to remember the special spell to the way the grass smells at night, the way the cool breeze brushes the fields and lets the grass stalks fly up and down before slipping under his T-shirt and making him get gooze bumps. Every time. 

Jess joins them halfway and walks with Michael behind the three brothers. “You think he‘ ll come back?“ the younger one asks and a bitter taste lays on Michael’s tongue. “I don’t know” he admits “I don’t know if I want him to” 

Confusion and just a little bit of anger replace the hopefulness Jess was just radiating. “You could… if you’d asked him, he would! He loves you he’d come back for you!” 

“At what prize?” Michael moths. “What if it destroyed him? I need him to be happy more than I need him to be home, because I am terrified of what this place could do to him” In this moment Michael makes a decision. “I won’t say a ward. It’s his decision. If he does decide to come home, it’s gotta be because he wants to.”

The first stars appear on the night sky as they reach the very place they had done this years ago. 

Michael scoffs as he reads what it says on the piece of paper Hunter takes out of his pocket. The Brother-contract. The fuck was that supposed to be? 

“We changed part of what it says” Hunter announces and gives the piece of paper to Jess to read out loud.

“We are brothers because we choose to be each other’s brothers, for life. 

Hunter watches his youngest brother reading the contract he had once explained to his younger brother, so many years ago. Today, he reads them to a brother he forgot he had for ten years.

We promise to take care of each other. We promise to never look away- ”

Hunter’s gaze shifts to where Michael listens intently, remembering a past accusation. 

“We promise to never become like Dad”

He looks over to his younger brother, his brother in crime, who struggles with his emotions. 

“and to always come home, eventually.” Jess finishes.

And Hunter finally looks at the brother he lost ten years ago. His face is straight and cold, as expected from a soldier, but so different from the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve. Maybe, just maybe, Hunter finds a little spark in Alex’s eyes. He knows that boy is still there, buried deep inside of himself. 

“I think that’s Hunter’s way to asks you to come home” Jess jokes. 

There’s tension in the air, yet, none of the men have to think twice about their decision. Simply, because their older brother said so. Because of the way his voice is steady and calm, and it held such certainty that none of the other brothers would ever question anything that voice says.

Five new signatures graze the paper.

Alex wonders what this means for the future, but the thought flees his mind when another coolness finds its way under his clothes and he stopps, just for a second, to really feel it. Feel it through and through.

“You coming junior?“ Hunter says mockingly, remembering, and in this moment Alex can‘ t imagine leaving the grass and the stars.

He stops worrying about the future, about the decision he‘ s gonna have to make eventually, and just live in the moment. 

The brothers make their way down the fields and between laughter and love somebody decides to put on some music. Before he can stop himself, Alex reaches for Michael‘ s hand, pulling him close and pressing a kiss on his cheek. Then, he starts moving to the music with the man he loves so deeply in his arms. 

His prosthetic aches after the long, uneven walk and his sore back has already bothered him before they came out here, but nothing seems to matter when Michael smiles at him like that. 

Three brothers watch as two brothers, so in love with each other, dance on the open, endless fields of their home. 

“You think he’ll come back?” Jess mouths. 

“I hope so.” Flint announces. 

“He’ll come home eventually” Hunter agrees. 

“You think he’ll make it six more months?” 

“He made it ten years, why wouldn’t he make it another six months, right?” Hunter lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puuuh, thank you for reading!!! I actually really like how this chapter turned out. Some angst to start with, but a lot of fluff after and I love the parallels between all the flashbacks and the now. Next chapter is going to be all Malex, so be excited! 
> 
> Kudos and Comments make me smile, feel free to let me know what you think :))))

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what yout think!
> 
> It will be a looong story so get ready. Also, this is my first fanfiction like EVER so please be kind but definitely let me know what you think. Also, English isn't my first language so you probably will find a lot of Grammar mistakes and stutt, feel free to correct me.


End file.
